“This may be the most significant blow to X-Mas since Seal Team Soros took out FAO Schwartz.”

—General B. Humbug

 

“Prancer took a ground-to-air missile right in the keister last year. Luckily, he’s into that kind of thing.”

—Santa Claus

*Blitzenkreig & Holly Jolly Jihad joke both removed by the editor and repackaged for Humorfeed.