These libido reducing posters (LRPs) will be covered under Trump wear… *cough* TrumpCare.
Brought to you by the makers of Tums.
Tag Archive for trumpcare
Hospital Where Senator McCain Received Cancer Treatment Admits To Implanting Healthcare Info Chip
by Mick Zano •
Phoenix, AZ—After Republicans failed again to pass their coveted Freedom from Healthcare Act, new revelations have surfaced suggesting liberal health-hackers have hijacked Senator John McCain’s brain. Several credible sources are claiming an implanted chip was discovered underneath the Senator’s recent surgery scar. The data on this chip is believed to have been uploaded directly into the Senator’s brain. The NYTs believes the content of the chip includes several Affordable Care Act infomercials as well as all six seasons of Glee. The recipient of this insidious technology would hear these messages playing out in an endless loop, subliminally and/or in Blu-Ray.
Can This Popular Icon Save Trumpcare? Capitol Hill Damaged During Speaker’s Entrance
by Mick Zano •
Washington, DC—Vice President Mike Pence is doing his best today to sell a less than popular healthcare bill. Republicans took all the usual steps, including lying and relabeling, but to no avail. They are saying that the increased number of uninsured Americans, Pioneer Health Recipients and Obama death panels, which didn’t actually exist under the ACA, will be created and called Obama Death Panels. After these maneuvers did little to sweeten the pot for the naysayers, Pence suddenly yelled, “Hey, Kool Aid!”
Shart Of The Deal? Somewhere Ayn Rand Is Underpaying Someone To Roll Her Over In Her Grave
by Mick Zano •
Washington—Paul Ryan is less than pleased by the premature death of Trumpcare, a healthcare system many were calling ‘irresponsible’ and ‘stupid’. Whereas Speaker Ryan remains distraught, President Trump is already shifting his focus to other things he hopes to fuck up. Ryan told the Discord today, “All I wanted to do was destroy the poor and middle class. Is that so much to ask? I had this whole bit I was going to do after it passed. I was going to say, ‘And now for something completely indifferent.’ Damn, that would have been rad.”
Spider Venom And Rat Poison Added To Trumpcare To ‘Sweeten’ Deal For House Freedom Caucus
by Mick Zano •
Washington—The republican healthcare plan designed to replace Obamacare remains in critical condition at this hour. Trump spent the last day before the crucial vote trying to woo conservative support by learning what the word ‘woo’ means. Many in the House Freedom Caucus are attacking the Trumpcare bill from the right. Congressman Aschlocke (R-AK) told the Discord today, “The American Health Care Act can not pass in its current form. It doesn’t do nearly enough to screw up this country’s healthcare system.” When asked what it would take for the Congressman to flip his vote from a no to a yes, he said, “Trumpcare has the word ‘care’ in it. Take that shit out for starters. Republicans are looking for a plan nothing short of repeal and disgrace. Comprende? Oh, and if anyone else uses the word comprende they will be deported.”