Mount Olympus—Apollo, the Roman God of the Sun, has taken responsibility for both the track of this week’s solar eclipse as well as the message it was meant to convey to all Americans. Apollo minced no words, “Up yours, United States! You have got to be the stupidest civilization we Olympians have ever visited, and you have no idea how much we get around. We are like that Beach Boy’s song meets the Whore of Babylon. As I directed my fiery chariot behind the moon, I thought, let’s send these fools a message that even they can understand. Oh, and then I waved when I got over the D.C. area, because I knew Ass-Clown would probably look up.”
