Tag Archive for RNC

Driving Miss Crazy: Will Trump Trigger GOP Reform Or Is This An Extinction Level Event?

Sorry Republicans, but the DNC was a fairly impressive display. It delivered what the RNC never could, complete sentences. It was a shame how Putin and friends stole the libs mojo right before Act 1. Cossack Thunder? Oh, and I saw my first Hillary bumper sticker the other day! It was on the back of a limo, followed by a fleet of other limos …in Philadelphia …during the convention. Well, at least Hillary is ready for Hillary. One down, 57 million to go! I’d say she has two votes in the bag, but Bill always cheats when you leave him alone for five minutes. Proposition 69? If The GOP continues to get worse at math, maybe she can win the presidency with fewer electoral college votes. We’ll just tell Donald it’s like golf, the lowest score wins. No matter what happens in November, I remain proud of our current President. I know a lot of folks will be glad to see the Obamas go, but eventually you will come to realize how the highest office in the land demands a thoughtful/intelligent person. Kidding, Republicans are to realization as Cthulhu is to mindfulness.

Third Party Candidate Request: One More Combined RNC/DNC Convention


Washington, DC—The head of the Libertarian Party, Gary Johnson, is suggesting one more combined convention to kind of “clear the air a bit” and settle some important scores. “I think it’s really important to allow people to vent,” said Johnson. “When we had a disagreement back in the day, my father used to just let my brothers and I duke it out on the front lawn …with semi automatic weapons. It builds character.”

Dolt-Fest 2016: A Week Covering Three Gross Misconceptions Or Chachi Loves Trumpy


Holy crap! I tried to watch the Republican convention, operative word tried. It’s like that commercial, wherein no one wants to call the insurance guy, so they pretend to be doing chores. Oh, Christie’s speaking? I have to sharpen those pencils in the bottom drawer. I haven’t used a pencil since the Reagan years, but you never know. Oh, Ernst is on? I’m going to take out the garbage, or make some garbage so I can then take it out. I only made it ten seconds into Giuliani’s screech, before I was deciding which items in the freezer could be thrown out during McConnell. Who could forget Rudy Giuliani? …you know, the guy best known for wandering the streets on 9/11 (but only because he was stupid enough to put his command center in Tower Two). And when I say 9/11, I mean Benghazi. You may not be aware, but the country is still recovering from Benghazi. The GOP is like some Munchausen’s sufferer with a head injury. Stop dragging America into the emergency room, Republicans! I know it’s covered under Obamacare now, but it’s still a dick move. Every time I heard the word Benghazi, I went somewhere in my mind… to Benghazi actually, which seemed a much more stable place than the Republican National Convention.

Don’t worry, folks, I will cover the shit show on the left in my next article.