Tag Archive for humor

The Real Carson Retired to Tahiti! Is GOP Candidate One Of The Conjoined Twins Carson Operated On?

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carsonsML

Many are wondering how the lead republican nominee, Ben Carson, could possibly be a top pediatric neurosurgeon. Many of his comments seem astonishingly obtuse, especially for an accomplished math-a-physician. Today, there is mounting evidence Carson is not the good doctor, but is actually the patient! The Discord has exclusive evidence the person masquerading as Ben Carson is one of the two German conjoined twins he successfully separated in 1987. Granted the children in question are exceedingly white, Germanic, and were toddlers at the time, but it still remains a more plausible story than a neurosurgeon creationist who thinks the Great Pyramids are grain silos.  

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Debate Shifts Toward Policy: Turns Out Republicans Don’t Have Any

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admin-ajaxVegas interrupted my debate viewing pleasure a tad, but I got the gist of it. Small government (flashing lights and sounds), lower taxes (cocktail waitress), gut regulations (yellling from the craps table). I can’t stand these debates anymore. Leave me alone, Mr. Winslow! I’m in Vegas researching an important Guinness feature. I like Guinness, much more than I like conservatives. The republican debates were fun for a while but now it’s time to focus on other things, you know…like these gentlemen escorting me out of the casino.

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Apology XCV: Why Zano’s Botched Trump-Tweet Coverage Is Grounds For Dismissal

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pierceWinslow

Some have taken note of a pause in my periodic Apology column. I can assure you this so-called “pause” amounts only to a period of time wherein I could not bring myself to my job. It takes almost a superhuman editorial strength to acknowledge some of the rampant journalistic abuses all to common in this rag of a website. Zano is both the Head Comedy Writer as well as the Chief Editor, but his tendancy to post articles around last-call is becoming concering to say the least. His recent coverage of the first Democratic debate is the last straw. The incident is even worse than previously indicated as I will attempt to explain (operative word: attempt).

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Moguls Unite Form Of Rubio

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darth rubioIf only republicans could harness Rubio’s palpableness, or, in this case, his Palaptineness. I like to start off by not making sense, but let me explain how our democracy works today. Sorry that I used the words democracy and works and today in the same sentence. Boy, I’m off to a worse start than the Mets. Republicans can’t identify their best and brightest, which is shocking when one considers how few exist. Celestially speaking, if republicans were a heavenly body they would be a black hole. They’re a large light-bending mass capable of sucking the air out of any room, and then the room, and then the planet the room is situated on. Theory of Irrelativity?

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