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Tag Archive for humor
Cuban Fizzle Crisis? Did Jeb Unleash Marco Malware?
by Mick Zano •
Cruz’s “Trapped In Box” Performance Wows New Hampshire Voters
by Mick Zano •
Nashua, NH—Just days before the New Hampshire Primaries, Senator Ted Cruz strayed from the usual stump speech and broke into a dazzling mime act. He thrilled scores of Republican primary voters with his performance of: “Invisible border wall, built by Mexicans.” He then swung into a rousing rendition of: “Man trapped under crushing federal deficits.” Cruz then took a break from the action, which consisted of drinking from a cup of imaginary water, before resuming with: “Man walking against wind of Islamic extremism” and “Shrinking government and then drowning it in bathtub.” Then for his grand finale he performed a masterful: “Man climbing out from under overwhelming government regulation.”
We The Discord, In Order To Form A More Perfect Onion
by Mick Zano •
I’m not changing the Constitution, Pokey! I just added the beer mugs. The Founding Fathers would eat that shit up, or in this case drink. Thursday’s Dem debate showed two conscientious people who understand the intricacies of today’s problems. They offered real strategies, solutions, specifics and even the historical context behind each issue. Republicans, meanwhile, sound like no one studied for the middle school debate final. I think if you asked them to define Glass-Steagall, they’d say, “Isn’t that the department store across from Macy’s?” They have a few prepared talking points—rehearsed in front of a mirror with an air guitar, no doubt—and then they insert these gems randomly into the discourse. It’s like listening to someone with Tourette’s contract encephalitis during a brain fart.
“Sure some things are ideologically driven on the left, but EVERYTHING is ideologically driven on the right, and when I say driven, I’m talking Captain Ahab with roid rage. And what is the result? The Republican candidates’ domestic policies are incomprehensible and their foreign policies are unconscionable.”
This is a response to the article: It’s The Constitution, Zano, Not Your Articles Of Degeneration.
Flashback Friday: A Story of One Man’s Incompetence and Incontinence
by Pierce Winslow •
It’s The Constitution, Zano, Not Your Articles Of Degeneration
by Pokey McDooris •
You have nerve ridiculing the Republican primary process, Zano. You want to sound like you’re backing Bernie Sanders until he might actually win and then you start back peddling faster than Lance Armstrong in a sharknado. “But I danno if Sanders is electable in the general election.” Boo hoo. This is code for Closeted Hillary Supporter (CHS). Last year, I thought the election would come down to a stale contest between ‘Clinton v Bush.’ The Republicans have at least rejected a return to the past, yet Hillary Clinton remains the Dem darling. How is that progressive? Speaking of Progressive, my dream ticket is Flo and that guy from those Sonic commercials. Now they could really bring back America…with Freedom fries.
Could Eastwood’s Empty Chair Get The VP Nod?
by Mick Zano •
Tampa Bay, FL—Clint Eastwood’s chair is once again making a bit of a stir on the campaign trail. The chair, best known for its appearance during the 2012 Republican National Convention, told reporters it has received several calls from Republican frontrunners regarding the possibility of joining their ticket. The chair was pivotal in helping Clint Eastwood help Mitt Romney lose the 2012 general election. Since its controversial debut in Tampa Bay, the chair fell out of the spotlight. It eventually ended up in a rundown apartment in Sarasota where the chair spent the last few years as a recluse. It was rarely seen in public unless more than three guests arrived for meals or card games.
The Force Mistakens
by Mick Zano •
Hillary Hacked! Frontrunner Served After Self-Serving Selfie Slip
by Mick Zano •
Presidential Field So Chaotic Dr. Evil Considering Independent Run
by Mick Zano •
Secret Moon Base—After much consideration, the notorious Dr. Evil is considering a run for the highest office in the land. He is mainly joining the race because he believes the current frontrunners are all “A-holes”. Price is apparently no object for the super villain as he told the press today he is prepared to spend “gazillions” of dollars on his presidential aspirations. Dr. Evil said, “I will fund my own campaign, because you don’t want to see an evil genius tied to a lobbyists. It’s not fricken’ pretty.” He then personally thanked the “little people” for passing Citizens United and added, “Who do I make the check out to?”