You can catch the first part of this post here. Today I will continue to dismantle Republican thought (oxymoron alert) faster than our annual Parkinson’s Jenga match. I will slay the Rovian Dragon, pop the Foxian bubble of non-reality, and still make it back to Hops on Birch for hoppy hour.

Our first issue of round two is the deficit—a topic Republicans claim the higher ground, despite the evidence.  Again, I went in reverse chronological order for reasons of interest…and the James Bond theme continues for reasons I can’t quite remember.

2012: A Deficit Odyssey:

The GOP & Fox News: The Right helped identify the problem…er, that they created, yet somehow they weren’t against any of the spending pre the collapse. But that’s not their fault, really, they were watching Fox News. And then none of them supported any viable strategy like Simpson-Bowels in real time to combat said spending—except maybe their hero turned arch villain, Chris Christie. Foodraker?

Like it or not, most of our deficit, minus the stimulus, is linked to Republican policies. We still have the bills. Just like my extensive rap sheet, it’s public record. To tie this into a personal credit card situation, let’s say the GOP buys a Ferrari and a Corvette. They are now essentially blaming Obama for having the audacity to continue the car payments. They still think Obama blew five-trillion on golf. The Man with the Golden Clubs? Hey, let’s get into more unnecessary wars and then vote against raising the debt limit!

Two important charts:

What these “rerun” charts show, courtesy of the Congressional Budget Office, is how one President is trying to stop the bleeding while the other guy…er, is clearing brush somewhere. The GOP does back the Ryan budget, which every credible economist thinks would trigger a depression, but, hey, what doesn’t kill them will only make them wronger. Ask your doctor if Reality is right for you.

As it turns out, nothing the GOP supports has anything to do with our traditional understanding of mathematics or economics. Fact: Keynesian economics helped us avoid the Bush Depression. Do I like this imaginary money plan? No. Was I originally in favor of it? No, but: A). It’s working, albeit slowly, and B). we never would have had to learn about Keynesian economics if those who call themselves fiscal conservatives actually paid for shit! Oh, and the Ferrari just dropped a tranny. Wait, she’s still clinging to the hood! (T.J. Hooker joke omitted).

No points—GOP

Zano’s position: I was initially against some of the overspending, such as the Iraq War and No Child Left Behind, then I backed the deficit reduction commission’s recommendations (2009), then I backed a better plan called Simpson-Bowles (2010). We need a 60/40 or 65/35 type revenue to austerity ratio, which I first mentioned many years ago here. Even the 50/50 plan Dems are now proposing might work. Isn’t that always the way, though? The plan I favor will work, the Dems plan might work, and the Republican plan…check please!

Of course anything involving ratios is a meaningless debate to an all-or-none thinking Foxeteer. Check out this article from Eliot Spitzer over on Slate, or this New York Times one on Ryan’s “Fairy Tale Budget.” The GOP remains against every feasible plan. Dr. No?

The GOP’s “strategy” can be summarized as extending all tax cuts and breaks, gutting only critical services for those most in need, blowing up the deficit much higher, and then shifting the last of our profits to the One Percent. This is fiscal conservatism? …well, for the reality impaired.

Marco Rubio’s recent State of the Bubble Address (SUBA) was nonsense. Their whole game plan is to keep repeating lies faster than an OCD/Tourette’s sufferer on methamphetamine. That’s it! They’re making crystal math, which explains why it doesn’t add up and why it feels really good to those already addicted.

In related news, the Tea Party will be known primarily for five things:

1. Forming a “Tea Party” during a period of historic low taxes and backing that ridiculous “Norquist Tax Pledge”. Thankfully many politicians are finally distancing themselves from that nonsense…Never Tax Never Again?

2. Blocking the debt deal in July of 2012 through a delicate combination of all-or-none thinking and ignorance.

3. Related to #2: they were a key component to our 2011 downgraded bond status (Bond, Downgraded Bond). Hey, was Norquist on Her Majesty’s Secret Disservice? Sorry for that one…it’s the vodka martinis talking.

4. Voting in dangerously inept politicians who will not help their states or this country as well as Fox-blocking any chance for meaningful reforms.

5. The picture below that will win the Daily Discord a Pulitzer!

½ a point—Zano.

(I dinged myself ½ a point for not backing the stimulus, which by all accounts avoided a depression, aka, I made the mistake of agreeing with Fox News. Doh! GOPtopussy? Okay, that one was a stretch but no more than their economic policies.

Sept 2009: Obamacare:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: Obamacare will end life as we know it!

½ a point—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: Both options suck. Defending our insurance companies is unconscionable, but it’s not the right time for universal healthcare. We’re broke. Republicans fear Obamacare, but won’t even acknowledge the small-business-killing trajectory of healthcare costs. This is really sad when you consider the quality of our healthcare system is plummeting like a certain Norwegian Blue parrot. Pining for the fjords?! Sorry, that’s actually a Monty Python reference, but Pythons are Forever!

But let’s cut the wrong-brigade a break and call it even. We really don’t know if Obamacare is going to work or how much it’s going to cost. If I were a betting man, I’d say it’s going to be too expensive. But if you look at the 15 happiest countries in the world, they all have, support, and love their country’s universal healthcare, here. We just aren’t that exceptional anymore. Damn socialists! Like those happy-go-lucky Israeli Commies!

½ a point—Zano

(I am ultimately for universal healthcare but I do question the timing. We both arrived at similar conclusions. I arrived at mine through reason and logic and they arrived at theirs through fear and propaganda…the usual.)

2009 March: More Stimulus?

The GOP & Fox News’s position:  The bailouts didn’t work. Stop the rest of the stimulus now!

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: Sure the Stimulus is imaginary money but we are faring far better than countries that went austerity only. I said to watch England here as they were going too heavy on the austerity side. There are a number of European experiments going on now and they are pretty much following a predictable pattern.

½ a point—Zano

2009 January: The Great Recession:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: The recession that we never saw coming will be over in a couple of months (nailed it).

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: Capitalism the way we know it just ended (film at 11). Nuff said.

One point—Zano

2008: The Lead Up to the Great Recession:

(Remember, we’re going in reverse order)

The GOP & Fox News’ position: The economy is fine, so buy a Hummer NOW. I distinctly remember Fox News was really stressing the importance of buying shit right up until the day of the collapse. I remember this because of how truly stupid it sounded at the time (even by typical Fox standards). Hah, hah, Fox standards. I made a funny. 

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano: I predicted our pending economic demise about six months before it hit and it was mentioned on this site back in 2008 here (as far back as the Discord goes). I knew we couldn’t lower taxes during two wars and fund all those other bullshit Bush programs. We still haven’t paid for his mistakes, yet here’s a check for $250 everybody! Idiot. The economy collapsed right on cue. The stock market has rallied under Obama, but it’s all Monopoly money at this point…maybe it always was.

One point—Zano

2009: Enters Obama (Will He Restore The Rule Of Law?):

The GOP & Fox News’ position: Notice those Constitutional savvy Foxeteers never even identified Bush’s executive expansion of power, yet they were immediately uncomfortable with a Democrat wielding such an expansion…um, that never happened. They deserve – 100 for never even recognizing the breakdown of the rule of law in the first place, but I will settle for a zero.

No points—GOP

Zano’s position: I predicted Obama would never restore the rule of law (only because no one ever has). My first reference on this subject was an article in 2009, where I said, “I remain skeptical the rule of law will be restored (under Obama).”

Sure Obama is using these expanded powers more competently, which is a nice change, but it’s still deplorable that the executive branch can do whatever the hell it wants now. And, yes, Republicans, blame yourselves. Pre-W we had a Justice Department. You’ve heard me say this before, you couldn’t have an Eric Holder without an Alberto Gonzales. Check out my article on the subject from July of 2010: Funny thing but breaking something called the Justice Department, might just have consequences for…er, justice.

You want those documents on Fast & Furious? …well, I don’t. I want to know how you justify killing an American citizen without any oversight, aka, the Gonzales Special. As for what you want, try investigating who started those programs (hint: his name rhymes with Sick Meaney).

One point—Zano

2005: The Surge:

The GOP & Fox News: Fox supported the Surge in Iraq. Military strategists say the decision to send in more troops in 2005 did have some positive effect on securing Iraq. Kudos. (A dry martini, shaken not surged).

One point—GOP & Fox News

Zano: I was against the Surge. I was unaware of the Anbar Awakening and did not realize ethnic cleansing was winding down in key cities. But I do really miss those community genocide bake sales. The Surge’s timing was fortuitous, but Bush only orchestrated it to develop his own exit strategy from the White House. Regardless, I’m happy to be wrong. My Goldeneye has failed me. Sorry, best I could do with that one. Wait…NPR is saying, right now, that Iraq is on the brink again. Hmmm. I said the Surge would not bring any long term stability…oh, heck, let’s give ‘em the point. It’s not like they’ll ever get another one.

Zero points—Zano

2005: Torture:

The GOP & Fox News: Get those bad guys! Waterboard the bastards! Indefinitely expand executive power. Go through our mail, our email, and wiretap us illegally while suspending habeas corpus indefinitely—even for American citizens—then torture them until they’re mentally ill or dead (aka, Jose Padilla). Please destroy whatever parts of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights you need to keep our sorry asses safe. Hallelujah!

No points—GOP & Fox News

Zano: Thank you Mr. Obama for apologizing for W. and ending torture, but damn you for not bringing those responsible to justice! In any other civilized society people are hung for this shit, yet somehow the argument morphed into, did torture work? Did it keep us safe? Where are the whistleblowers when you need them? (Zero Narc Thirty?) Oh, that’s the only other scandal, what Obama’s doing to whistleblowers.

Could you imagine in Nuremberg some Nazi pleading his defense, “Gestapo’s enhanced interrogation techniques saved countless German lives.” Do you think that guy would have been exonerated? I realize this argument is meaningless to a Foxeteer, like logic and reason itself. Hey, are they followers of Propagandacles? or Agendastotle? Those are lesser known Bond films, like View to a Koch.

“But Zano, we’re not Nazis?!”

Umm, you just use some of the same tactics, is all. Torture has never been an argument. It’s only a testament to the GOP’s hypocrisy and neo-fascist tendencies. You want to know what really leads a country to fascism? (Hint: it has nothing to do with insuring more people). Oh, I remember, right after Germany annexed Poland, Hitler started Adolfcare. The bastard! Actually Hitler used a terrorist attack to suspend Habeas corpus indefinitely and then started something called Homeland Security.  Sound familiar? My 2008 take here. No country has ever gone from socialism to Communism, only fascism to Communism. Damn history, with its stuff that already happened and shit.

Experts from every branch of the military have admitted torture doesn’t work. But who cares? The greatest Al-Qaeda recruitment tool in the last decade was Abu Ghraib. Thanks Rummy. Dick. Yeah, let’s thank Dick too. Quantum of Soulless?

One point—Zano

2002: The Iraq War:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: Not this shit again! But I’ll say this much, this was NOT just a massive intelligence failure. That’s another big lie. Inspectors were pleading with W. not to start bombing. They were saying, “Wait! There’s nothing here!” But then again, he did pray on the subject, didn’t he? So W. and God were of one mind on this one. Let there be Right! License to Kill?

Zero points—GOP & Fox News

Actually, how about we minus one point for every military and civilian death?   

Zano:

“Next to Vietnam, Iraq will be among the greatest U.S. foreign policy blunders of all time.”

—Mick Zano, 2003.

I ran naked through the streets protesting the war the day it started and then I drank myself silly. Okay, I might have done most of that anyway. Let there be Bud Light! Or to keep with the theme, how about The Living Bud Lights?

One point—Zano

Presidents Bush V Obama’s Rankings:

The GOP & Fox News’ position: George W. Bush…hmmm, we don’t remember much about him, but he did pretty well. We can’t think of anything he did wrong, offhand. But that Barack Obama will go down in history as the worst President in U.S. history!

Zero points—GOP & Fox News

Zano’s position: I predicted in 2004 W. would be ranked about the worst in history and on Obama’s Inauguration Day I predicted he would be marked well for his foreign policy and “meh” on the horrid economy he inherited.

After reviewing four of the most recent surveys by scholars and historians, Nate Silver just predicted Obama will be ranked 17^th best (between good and average). Meanwhile, W. has only one President ranked below him, James Buchanan, who I believe murdered puppies for fun. And, sorry, you can’t count the guy who died right after his inauguration. And when I was predicting W. would be the worst ever, no one else was, and when right wingers keep saying Obama is the worst ever they’re trying to create reality through something called bullshit. Good luck with that.

One point—Zano

The final score, combining both posts, is 11 ½ points for Zano to 2 points for the GOP & Fox News. Have I mentioned I’m a spoof news blogger? I have no business beating ANYONE in the business this badly, let alone EVERYONE. Geesh. Did I mention I’m not that bright?

Oh, and when Iraq completely descends back into chaos, I’m taking that “Surge” point back! I hope to hell it doesn’t happen, but I have to contend with something they don’t, reality.

The GOP will have different key points, of course, because the bubble is a very different and scary place. To address some of them briefly:

FACT: Criminal background checks for gun purchasing was first proposed by Lord Reagan.

FACT: Unemployment numbers will remain high no matter who’s elected. D and R have both been shipping manufacturing jobs overseas for decades as part of Bush’s: Operation Weekday Freedom (old Maher joke).

FACT: We will never get anywhere with Roe V Wade, because both sides can’t or won’t listen to reason on this issue, which makes any meaningful discourse impossible.

FACT: The Right’s entire economic theory is based on Supply Side Economics, aka, Trickle Down Theory, which if you Google it says, “This has never worked in this U.S. or any other country in recorded history. Well, besides the conservative blowback from the mastodon’s neo-Marxist period circa the early Pleistocene.” It really says that. 

FACT: As soon as Romney and Ryan would have found Iran on a map, they would have bombed it. These two would have made Sarah Palin look strong on foreign policy.

Let’s not forget the Foxeteers other ‘important’ issues, like birth certificates and Muslims infiltrating the White House. Senator McCarthy would be proud. Oh and, yes, we are amidst a mass extinction on this planet, but as we lose species after species there’s some good news, Republicans may well be one of them.

I should also quickly add two more retractions. Initially, I thought a flat tax sounded logical and showing ID when you voted sounded logical as well. Umm, I should have known better. My assuming-they’re-always-wrong-premise works so much better. A flat tax, though somewhat logical, puts more even more of a burden on the poor at a time when the disparity of wealth typically triggers a revolution. Yes, most Latin American countries at this point have less of a disparity of wealth (see a related Economist article here), or as I’ve said before to our President:  “Socialism, you’re doing it wrong.” I do give Obama some credit for trying to save the middle class and I condemn the GOP for not even identifying the problem. Meanwhile, every GOP position supports the “one percent”…totally by coincidence. No conspiracy here.

Subtleties are lost on these peeps. You see, you can be pro 2^nd Amendment and still think the NRA head is an asshole; you can be pro-Israel and understand how Netanayhu’s blind recklessness is (see NRA head); you can be pro-choice and understand how Roe V Wade was a strange ruling; you can be pro reducing our deficit without being pro depression; and you can also be pro capitalism but realize some of this shit’s rigged. Chuck Hagel gets it and that’s why they hate him. How many IQ points must he drop before he will be an acceptable Republican? Why not just give him a number?

The Bush years are in the books (the GOP wrong on all counts), and the Obama years will be tallied soon enough (the GOP will be wrong on all counts). Well played.

This is a hell of a statement, but one of the biggest threats we face in the early 21st century remains the ongoing group-think of the GOP. Almost regardless of the issue, they are a hindrance. They are the bull in china shop, the monkey with the gun, the elephant in the room, and if you give me long enough, buy gum, I’ll work in the rest of the animal crackers into this sentence.  I am saying the GOP must reform or disband but not for my own agenda, for theirs. They are the worst advocates for capitalism, for free markets, for the 2^nd amendment, and they will destroy any and all of their causes by following this delusional false narrative. One Sean Hannity episode and I’m ready to hand over my gun, have an abortion, and divide all my money equally between my coworkers.

“We don’t have a spending problem, we have a Republican problem.”

—Mick Zano

Nine out of ten things going wrong right now have nothing to do with Barack Obama or his party. And the one major thing going astray on his watch, in this case drone strikes, they can’t even recognize as a problem. The rightward drift of the GOP and their ongoing abandonment of reason is and remains the story within the story of our time. I’m stunned how few seem to know Cheney, or Morris—or, for those non-political peeps—Clark. And I will end this monstrosity of a post with a quote from Christopher Hitchens, in honor of all of my friends on the right side of the aisle:

“What can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

Consider yourselves dismissed.

From Zano with Love

Here’s what makes me crazy! …well, besides my diagnosis. During any given news cycle some source article or another somewhere on the web is immediately translated into something resembling political pink slime (PPS).  This new version of reality is then disseminated through Fox News, AM radio and any number of social sites for the purpose of perpetuating an easily dismissible false narrative. An example? How about: Godzilla Sighted Near Coastal City shows up on Twitter as Is Obama Weak on Radioactively Enlarged Reptiles?

Oh, you want real examples. Okay…hmm, did I mention the Mothra one? Actually, for real examples you don’t have to look far. I recently received this in my inbox: Do Penalties for Smokers and the Obese Make Sense? This is a nice little story which begs the question: should we tax sweets and cigarettes more to offset the cost of healthcare issues associated with these products? Of course that’s the source article, which is certainly a topic worthy of debate, but what came to me via the Fox-Newsian-filter was: Lib Media Already Pushing Death Panels for Fat People and Smokers!

I mentioned another example a few posts back when some right-winger claimed Obama Pays for CNN’s Content! The source article, in this case, was an interesting Glenn Greenwald Guardian piece. I’m afraid he would not recognize the Foxeteer’s translation…er, nor would anyone else. But this is happening every day, all over the web. Sadly, my beloved blogosphere is part of the problem. What scant facts we receive is Twitterized for your enjoyment. Whereas the Left has their issues, only the Right seems to routinely create news from the ether. And, as for Obamacare:

Hear ye, hear ye,

Rich people will always have access to good healthcare in the U.S. and now, thanks to Barack Obama, poor people will at least have access to the basics.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. I know, I know scary stuff.

The ongoing Obamacare angle from the Right will amount to highlighting every story like this: Pickled Drunkard Denied Third Liver Dies! Of course, in a Republican run world the original story would read: Pickled Drunkard Denied Substance Abuse Services or Any Medical Care Whatsoever Dies in Hospital Lobby. Yeah, that sounds so much better. Fear death panels. Got it.

We have had and always will have a team of individuals deciding whether or not an individual has enough money and/or coverage for certain medical procedures. And, as we go broke, it’s only going to get uglier, Obamacare or otherwise. This shit already happens every day in the U.S. and the fact so many seem oblivious to this reality is another example of a segment I like to call, “Here’s another subject the GOP doesn’t seems to know dick about.”  To see another subject the GOP doesn’t seem to know dick about, turn on Fox News right now…

All-or-none thinking, a key theme on the Right, is the story I’ve been covering for years and someday the media will take notice.  Summary: things I blog about generally becomes news in about a year or so and thing the Foxeteers blog about becomes either a tragedy or a comedy.  Doocy or not Doocy, that is the question.

As this relates to Obamacare, the GOP bifurcates reality into either:

You are a “taker”: you should die in the lobby because I don’t want to kick in for the bill.

You are a “maker”: we have blocked the entire third floor of John Hopkins for you, sir, and Dr. House is flying in with your Benadryl as we speak. Can I get you a nurse or maybe something from the naughty variety?

Of course, these are extremes but, thanks to folks like Sean Hannity, that’s all these folks seem to understand. And, no matter what they do for a living and no matter how many liberal entitlements they have personally taken advantage of, the Foxeteers will always consider themselves the “makers” and everyone else, no matter how educated or hardworking or affluent will be considered the “takers”.  Nothing in the middle has EVER made sense to these folks. It’s why even when they have a point—which is exceedingly rare—they still get it wrong.

I started out as a “pox on both your houses” kind of blogger, but over the years I have clearly become more liberal. Why? Well, it’s pretty sad when one group is worried about our imperiled climate, while the other blindly supports coal and oil. It’s pretty sad when one group is worried about our insanely high gun deaths, while the other is against even background checks for the criminally insane. It’s pretty sad when one group is worried about our disparity of wealth—which is now ranked among many Latin American countries—while the other is worried about socialism. Really? So when every penny in Springfield goes to the C. Montgomery Burnses of the world that’s socialism? Is it opposite day again? …yep, pretty much every time I turn on Fox News. Hell, by now you peeps should have knee burns worse than Smithers.

This is the same group against returning to 90’s level taxes after their ilk broke our economy. The real reason…they don’t want another 3% taken out of their earnings because they’re going to win the state lottery next week. Yes, most of them think this.

Last week I caught this over on The Dish:

Bashkar Sunkara recently stated the stunning fact that socialism is more popular than capitalism for those between the ages 18 and 30. Here’s Andrew Sullivan’s take:

“I don’t think Sunkara is wrong about this—but mainly by default, because conservatives, instead of trying to rein in a corrupt capitalism, have been defending its excesses as principles, and just ran a Bain executive as its nominee, for Pete’s sake, after an era in which reckless financial oligarchs nearly destroyed the entire global economy.”

I agree, and I have always predicted the selective outrage over on Fox would one day cloud some real issue (my related feature here). I also warned the GOP’s blind support of those sociopathic aspects of capitalism would be the system’s undoing, here. See? I always get to link back to shit, but as for the GOP’s views and predictions…er, it’s best to forget.

In other words, the defenders of capitalism are killing it. If Republicans have absolutely no desire to fix and reform our system, the country will take its ideology elsewhere. It’s yet another example of anything championed by Fox News is doomed. There’s a deep revulsion to the GOP, and rightly so. But, sorry, this is not some liberal media conspiracy, it’s primarily due to this phenomenon:

Republicans tend to talk about how they really feel about issues…out loud…with the microphone on. (Bad Idea Jeans?)

This revulsion to the Right and what Andrew Sullivan calls “the disillusionment with the status quo” is bound to propel us somewhere. I have always believed there is a need for conservative values, but only the ones that make sense. We don’t need AM radio’s juvenile and counterproductive version. As a direct result, we may now be heading toward a period of uber-liberalism, which has its advantages and its inherent dangers.

These days adult discussion is passé as the Fox translator remains set on hyper-drivel. What can come from our political discourse with the current reading comprehension level and mindset of nearly half our country? We must, as John Dickerson suggested over on Slate, Go For The Throat! It’s a good article encouraging Obama to finish off the GOP. The article echoes many of the themes I’ve already covered. Hey, better Slate than never.

This is also what the GOP fears. Maybe Fox is right about something, maybe Obama is going for the knockout punch. Oh, wait, they’re never right…damn it!

Do I relish the idea of one unchecked party? No, but if the GOP dies perhaps some meaningful conservative movement will fill the void. In its current form the GOP has proven itself to be petty, dysfunctional, and wrong on almost any given subject.  So this is a mercy killing. Hannitized for your protection.

I think Fox News was aiming for a certain level of misinformed viewer, but like some runaway Foxenstein Monster even they are starting to question their creation.

It’s a Lie! It’s a Lie!! Sorry. Somewhere Mary Shelley is being reanimated in her grave.

Did you see the NRA President, LaPierre, interviewed over on Fox? Chris Wallace has always been a pseudo-real journalist stuck in the Matrix (check the interview here). Eventually even Fox News is going to say…er, we didn’t really mean for our viewers to get this crazy.

They can’t control their monstrous creation. The Tea Party was just the beginning…

Is a similar problem occurring over on MSNBC? Sure. But at least there’s a logical connection between the source material and their spiel…at least so far. They don’t change the whole premise of the debate via a delicate blend of extrapolation and stupidity. MSNBC has an ideology and they do spin things. I am not defending them or their tactics, in fact, I never have. I have given them negative press as far back as my Olbermann bashing from 2008.

Hell, I would watch CNN if it didn’t make me want to shoot my face off.

This is CN…zzzzzzzz.

In an effort to appear nonpartisan, CNN has given up on the whole premise of actually reporting on anything. Time and time again I have watched some politician or another on CNN voice some completely absurd viewpoint and those people never questioned anything EVER! I remember one time someone interviewing some GE executive, who was complaining about how EPA regs are stifling the markets. This interview occurred to the backdrop, of all places, the Hudson River. And this “journalist” didn’t even point out the fact that GE has been identified as the main polluter of the Hudson River!

They have become MCs, not journalists. They only introduce the next act, “Up next, kids, we have the bear on a trampoline!” Of course MSNBC’s version of that segment would have focused on the PCBs in the water and the dead river behind them, while Fox News would immediately pan up and over to the Manhattan skyline before allowing the GE guy to further explain how Obama is unfriendly to big business. Of course that’s another reason I choose liberal causes…aka, fuck you, GE.

And yet, somehow, the GOP thinks they’re the great defenders of the Constitution. Let’s be honest, they just want to keep their guns. They will not defend, nor do most of them even seem to understand any other aspect of either the Bill of Rights or the Constitution. I always envision some Foxeteer labeled an enemy combatant being dragged from his or her home.

This can happen minus any proof. There will be no trial because Habeas corpus is now easily circumvented, so no lawyer phone call either. This person will then be tortured by the CIA, which is now permissible, and then perhaps whisked away to some country willing to do even what our own country’s Gestapo won’t. The person may then be beaten until permanently mentally ill. Well, this could explain Michele Bachmann.

Oh, but here’s the part they care about…on our tax dollar! Or maybe this person is finally released in this faraway place only to be killed with a drone strike. This has happened to American citizensbefore, like Jose Padilla for one, and countless others under the Bush Administration. Well, not the drone part.

Let’s face it, the only thing a Foxeteer cares about is having access to a gun as the Feds kick in the door.  Their hero in this scenario was at least able to fumble with some bullets before shooting his clock on the mantle before the Feds tackled him. The only thing they seem truly free from these days are the facts. Yeah freedom!

“Are we hampered as a nation in our ability to address real problems in the evidence-based world if half of the people in politics do not live in that world…and, if so, how does that get fixed?”

—Rachel Maddow

Sounds like she’s channeling Zano. And you wonder why I’m more liberal these days. As I’ve been saying, there is a real danger that everything associated with conservatism will be deemed bullshit. And that day is upon us. But make no mistake, this will give a free pass for Obama and his ilk…and there’s no one to blame but yourselves.

In the year 2050 The Daily Discord is celebrating its 42nd anniversary and its one thousandth page view! Whoot! Whoot!…that’s almost 25 a year! We would like to look back to the time of the Discord’s inception—a time of turbulence, a time when humanity turned away from logic, reason, science, and a hit television show known only as Glee.

We found an interesting quote from one of our first contributors, Mick Zano, wherein he stated, “Fifty years from now you’ll be surprised how this period looked historically, well…if you’re a Republican.”

We decided to humor the man known as the Discord’s Founding Father, or Blogstradomus, or Postpernicus—a man who many felt bordered on a violent political narcissism not seen since the Cantor Administration. Oh, and Cantor’s documentary is holding its own this week with Twilight 47: Why Won’t Edward Just Jump into a Meat Grinder Already? Part 4. Mr. Zano was distinguished enough to be on something called parole for most of his adult life and was eventually added to a prestigious group known as The Terrorist Watch List. In fifty-years of blogging that is the closest to an accolade this website has ever received.

Initially we couldn’t figure out Republican logic at all, then we uncovered an episode of Your World with Neil Cavuto. It explained everything! These Fox News viewers really thought it was their world, which angered the Earth Goddess, Gaia, who later told the press, “I got sick of these douche bags fracking me in the gas.”

When Gaia fought back with her coordinated global climate initiative (GCI), many of the time mistook it for the Rapture. Some even preemptively took off their clothing in preparation for their God, Jehovah, to whisk them into the heavens. When nothing happened, many of these Rapturers were added to the sexual offender lists of the time as public nudity was then frowned upon.

Apparently, Republicans only cared about how much money they were going to make in something called the Stock Market. As it turned out, a disparity of wealth this large typically triggered a revolution, but any proper disobedience would have to wait as society embraced a number of falsehoods—not the least of which was “you’ll be rich soon too!” By 2017, one historian estimated there was more chance of winning the state lottery twice and getting hit by lightening in the penis than moving up a single socioeconomic bracket…which is ironically how he died. Moving up one socioeconomic bracket, what were you thinking?

Despite all rhyme or reason, Republicans remained convinced the best way to correct the U.S. budget and deficit problem was through…get this, supply side/trickledown economics. So they elected people who historically proved incapable of cutting anything except cheese and started numerous popular but unfunded social programs, kept waging wars, and kept not paying for any of these in the name of responsibility and fiscal conservatism.

The founder of the Transcosmetic Party, Mick Zano, covered this important stuff and both of his fans really appreciated him at the time as evidence by some recently recovered feedback, “Nice one, Zano, but can you bitches post more Ghetto Shaman?!”

Zano’s insights and predictions are stunning considering his affinity for bath salts—a substance that later triggered the Zombie Apocalypse of 2016.

Excesses of the prior thirty-years were greatly exacerbated under Bush, Obama, and then came to a head under Romney. We lost any chance during that time period of righting the economy or diverting global climate change. Many coastal Republicans refused to move and drowned, but as their living rooms filled with water Fox News Anchors reassured them it was only tears from God (who was still pissed off about Solyndra).

Of course, I am writing this from the Arizona Penal Colony. Privatizing prisons caused what was already the most incarcerated country in the world to mushroom to 35% of its population within five years. There was no incentive to ever release jaywalkers, or pot smokers, or especially those damndable jaywalking pot smokers.

Three presidents tried to pass a comprehensive immigration plan, but partisanship ended each attempt. After states were able to enforce their own immigration laws things really got ugly. Arizona was the obvious choice for the state-sized penal colony as it already had walls along its southern and eastern borders. A giant border wall was constructed along the entire southern border of the U.S. in 2014, later named The Great Wall of Stupid. Arizona then constructed a wall on its Eastern border after deeming New Mexico’s immigration policies “way too lenient.”

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s grandson, Joey Jr., is now the warden of the Arizona State Penal Colony. I live in an un-air-conditioned tent in the heart of the Sonoran Desert and, having never returned that library book, I am likely to die here. I take some small satisfaction in the fact the rest of the country’s border wall is gone. The Mexican Government eventually commissioned registered Republicans at minimum wage to tear down the eye sore in 2030.

The Romney-Corrections Corp. of America Act passed in 2015 and, of course, that’s how we eventually changed our country’s name to UCCA, the United Correction Corp. of America. And the rest is…we’re history.

Arizona was also a perfect choice for the penal colony, because—although Obamacare passed in 2012, it was deemed unconstitutional to force any expansion of the Medicaid program—so then Governor, Jan Brewer, refused the extra help in one more attempt by a Republican to save one dollar by losing ten. Without those critical services, Arizona soon slipped into a lawless state. The remaining two walls on the state’s western and northern borders were constructed in 2017 by Halliburton and the aforementioned Republican Migrant Workers. This poor unionless group remained happy because they believed if they worked hard at any moment they could be promoted to CEO. Most, sadly, were struck by lightning in the penis.

Oh, and our researchers found an article on The Daily Beast by David Frum about a poll designed to snap people out of their ideological delusions. As it turns out, when forced, liberals of the time were able to identify cuts and some semblance of an economic strategy. Republicans, however, for all their misdirected anger and bloviating, refused to make a decision about cutting anything. Hey, just like their presidents! Next time we decide to have a tea party, let’s leave the tea partiers out of it. Here is the Beast’s article.

Andrew Sullivan’s take on that very Frum piece:

“And people wonder why our debt exploded under Reagan and George W. Bush. And why it will explode once again if Romney becomes president. A party this irrational – a party hysterical about debt whose members do not actually want to cut spending or raise any taxes, a party a majority of whose members have somehow persuaded themselves that there were indeed WMDs in Iraq in 2003  – should not be a mainstream party in a Western democracy. It should be in therapy.”

We marvel, as Zano did then, that there existed any insightful Republicans at all, so hat tip to Andrew and David of the past, a breed that officially went extinct during the Primary Wars of 2016. The last Republican with a clue is believed to have taken his own life during an episode of Hannity in early 2018.

Here’s another classic of the time Why I gave up on being a republican. Then came Thomas Frank’s book in 2012, Pity the Billionaire—a book first credited with identifying the phrase “Ignorance is Strength.” This man covered how this “unified wrongness” on the Right turned out to be our ruination. This phenomenon was first covered by our own Mick Zano years before, but, sadly, no one ever clicked on one of his articles. It was 2012 when we really identified how ignorance and partisanship really changed the course of history, a phenomenon covered most thoroughly by the comedians of the time (hell, that should have been their first clue).

Since most records were lost during the Great Partisanship Wars of 2022, we did manage to find a quote from a man named W.B. Yeats, who our sources tell us was a prominent Discord contributor. His quote captures the essence of the time:

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity,

Surely, some revelation is at hand…

–W.B. Yeats

But don’t take off all your clothes just yet; it’s not going to be that kind of revelation.