25 search results for "chess"

The Answer? Just Resurrect The Iran Deal And Call It The Trump Deal

by Mick Zano • June 23, 2019

There’s only one way to avoid the pending Iran debacle and the solution reminds me of that time on the Millennium Falcon when Han Solo encouraged C3P0 to: “Let the Wookiee win.” If we’re going to spare some blood and treasure by avoiding another senseless war, to say nothing of getting our arms pulled out of their sockets, we need to heed Han’s advice on this one. What if we re-sign the same Iran Deal with the addition of some Trump accolades, a bucket of exclamation points, several hashtags, and then drop the Flesch-Kincaid reading level to accommodate the typical Fox viewer? I guarantee you our president hasn’t read even one sentence of the original agreement, so he won’t notice. If someone within the Trump administration would back my scheme then We.Got.This.Shit. Disaster averted. If everyone both here and abroad would agree to be in on the joke we could resurrect the Iran Deal, call it the Trump Deal, and effectively let the Wookiee win.

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by Mick Zano • May 8, 2019

London, ENG—Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, have welcomed their new baby ….something or other. The latest arrival joins the royal family seventh in line to the throne, well, that was until moments ago. British Intelligence is reporting that the other six individuals ahead of baby Squidward’s claim to the throne are all currently missing and presumed devoured. Thus far the Queen is downplaying the disappearances and what appears to be the baby’s profound precognetic abilities, which those close to the Queen say has already, “Ruined Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and the next seven Wimbledons.”

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by Mick Zano • April 10, 2019

Tweet Tower—It’s hard to grasp the full descent of American politics in 2019, a time when watching certain news sources makes you less informed and listening to a SOTU address will make you a little less aware of our actual State of our Union. As for Russiagate, I knew annulment was a longshot and the last best hope for a course correction has apparently fizzled. Now this country and this planet will bear the brunt of the rest of this populist shit show. Just as it’s hard to tell a Republican president with Dementia from the usual variety. It’s similarly difficult to distinguish legal business dealings from blatantly criminal ones. These lines are becoming forever blurred as we shift deeper into this late stage democracy. Our political scheissgeist reminds me of when Gozer the Gozerian demanded that the Ghostbusters, “Choose the form of the Destructor!” And then a moment later said, “The choice is made.” Venkman is like, “Whoa, wait a minute! Liberals, did you choose anything?” No. “Independents, did you choose anything?” No. “Republicans?” …It just popped into our head. That guy from The Apprentice, a selfmade businessman, a real Atlas Shrugged guy, a man who couldn’t possibly mean capitalism any harm.

“The Grifter has come.”

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by Mick Zano • January 11, 2017

Plymouth, MA—Much to the relief of our Founding Fathers, the ghost of King George III has graciously accepted their spirits back into the bosom of mother England. The group hopes to reach the Cardiff shipyards before the inauguration of Donald J. Trump on January 19th. The group’s initial request for soul citizenship in 2004 was denied, but now the ghost of King George has had a change of heart. The King released a statement today. “Having those sniveling upstarts come crawling back kind of eases the blow of the whole Brexit thing. We’re going to make them haunt the Duchess of York, and that British wanker in charge of the Deepwater Horizon.”

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by Mick Zano • October 3, 2015

Why complain, republicans? You got it pretty good. Your Senators from places like Montana and South Dakota carry the same weight as their counterparts in New York and California. Then, when population does matter, you’ve gerrymandered every district into oblivion. Nice. Oh, and you won the Senate because no one save the old, white and angry even votes in the midterms. This week your current frontrunner broke the Politifact Meter, which isn’t easy to do as it’s a cartoon image. The less your candidates mention the truth, the higher they poll. Good work if you can get it. Even your spiritual leader has no idea what the hell you people are doing, so where does this false confidence come from? Most people have to garner a series of successes before they gain such confidence. Republicans remain forever sure of their next predictions and their next policies despite having a track record that makes Fat Albert look like Usain Bolt.

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by Mick Zano • March 25, 2015

Lately I’ve been getting complaints about the length of my posts, which is better than the usual “stop blogging, asshole!” comments to which I have grown so accustomed. In the interest of compromise I came up with a short topic. Let’s discuss those scant events our conservative friends have predicted accurately in the 21^st century. It’s pathetic vs. prophetic today, here in the spooflands.

There are two Republican predictions in the 21^st century that deserve a closer look: Romney and Palin’s “Putin will invade the Ukraine” thing and Glenn Beck’s “Caliphate” thing. Thing 1 and Thing 2? Am I missing any? Republicans have a much longer list, but let’s relegate their usual delusions to the last paragraph, which the web designer promises to make scratch-n-sniff. But first some rare Republican Kudos! …not to be confused with the granola bar or the dog from that Stephen King movie. Hound of the Basketcases? Sorry, I couldn’t work in a King joke…oh wait, The Dud Zone? Creeps Show? Putz Semetary? I’m being told to stop.

Romney & Palin predicted Putin’s invasion of Ukraine on the premise that Obama is such a weak President that he would allow such a thing to happen. Let’s forget for a moment how the GOP-types like to announce to our enemies: A Dems charge and they’re weak! They won’t challenge you! You should invade, right now! …and they do this all in the name of patriotism. Freedumb?

I chalk this prediction up to the It-takes-one-to-know-one phenomenon and I also nominate it for the It’s-About-Friggn’-Time Award. But I don’t want to diminish their exceedingly rare good guess—uh, yes I do. Only someone sniffing glue would attempt this little annexation exercise. Vlad the Inhaler?

Since Putin’s “bold and strategic moves” the Russian economy has all but collapsed. Their ‘junk’ bonds have been knocked back to the Stone Age. The Barney Ruble? Republicans would say this is about falling oil prices, but the Kremlin itself attributes their woes to the combination of lower oil prices and sanctions, here. But what do the Russians know about their own economic situation? Only Fox knows the truth… in lie form. There’s also mounting evidence this sudden drop in crude prices was a planned Saudi/U.S. strategy here. Obama usually gets what he wants without breaking a fingernail, let alone an economy. I know this is news to people who don’t follow actual news.

Chess: you’re doing it wrong

A former British Ambassador to Russia agrees with my old assessment:

“Stop blogging, asshole!”

Okay, his other assessment:

“The premise that Russia has become more assertive is correct. Is this due to weakness or strength? Weakness, probably. There are growing problems with the economy, large internal problems and tensions.”

—Sir Andrew Wood, courtesy of The Guardian

Moving forward all bets are off, because Putin is as crazy as they are and we are now dealing with a wounded bear.

[Ursa Major Asshole joke removed by the editor.]

Is it any surprise that Republicans will praise a crazed warmonger bent on destroying the global economy? No, in fact, it mimics their own voting records. What do Putin and Netanyahu have in common?

“We both scrub floors. We’re both swell lookers. And neither one of us is Chinese.”

—Ma Kelly

For good measure, let’s look at the similarities between Dick Cheney, Putin and Netanyahu:

1. Their ideologies are not all that different. Even Putin shares a similar foreign policy with our Republican friends as well as a far right cultural conservatism that borders on the Full Santorum.

2. Despite all reason they remain role models for our own GOP.

3. History will judge them rather harshly, as they have all undoubtedly weakened their respective countries.

Right wing nuts never fair particularly well (See: World History) and, yet, here we goon again. Annexing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of Sean Hannity. Sorry, the cough syrup’s kicking in.

An assessment of Netanyahu’s long term negative impacts here and Putin’s pending demise here and Cheney’s—uh, if you need a link to that you’re barking up the wrong blog. Israel just voted in their own resident nut job, yet again, and it seems the far right in Europe is cozying up to Putin as well, here. A Caliphate isn’t likely but a Coulterphate?

Why would anyone admire someone like Putin? I’m talking to you, Giuliani, Mister I was only wandering the streets after 9/11 because I was dumb enough to put my command center in Tower 2? Yeah, that guy. I don’t know why the far right has such penis-envy for such a bunch of—

[Dick Cheney and Dick Nixon joke removed by the editor].

Hell, there’s a rise of radical Republicans all over the planet! That’s what I keep blogging about. It’s not just Muslims tracking right, although I admit they’ve shifted from Pat Robertson to the Full Jim Jones (FJJ). Actually they’ve always been that way, but then we decided to arm and train them. Oh, and good thinking, God, putting the oil under all the crazy people in the first place.

[Texas joke omitted by the editor.]

Whereas it’s true I did not predict this Ukraine thing, I did accurately predict the results. Anyone living in the 21^st century could have predicted this—well, by simply thinking outside of the Fox.

Uh oh, I’m way over word count again. So much for a short post. And I didn’t even get to everything! I guess it’s retraction time. Hey, at least I still do those. Yes, you’ll find more integrity from a spoof news blogger these days, which is another sure sign of our demise. But more to come on Mr. Beck and the Emperor’s New Caliphate.

by Mick Zano • July 9, 2014

Here we go again. Everything the republicans predicted about Russian tanks in the Ukraine…uh, tanked. Is the Russian Bear on the Prowl? Is a New Cold War Inevitable? Is Obama’s Weakness to Blame? One easy trick to being a wonk these days is to just stick the word NO after each and every Fox or Drudge headline. It’s kind of a trade secret, so shhh. Shock poll: Foxeteers still shocked by this fact. Predictably, Putin never took another step after his Crimean Vacation. To cut to the Chevy Chase, Angela Merkel just spanked him so he’s now sending eCards to Obama. Aren’t you glad you rely on a spoof news site for your actual news? Discord has exclusive info on this world leader teleconference. Hit full story.

This week German Chancellor Angela Merkel laid the Krauthammer down, so to speak, and helped broker a real and hopefully lasting ceasefire in eastern Ukraine. The Discord has exclusive information on what transpired during this historic phone conversation:

Merkel: Vladimir, darling, it’s time for you to take your little guns and tanks and go home.

Putin: But can’t I play just a little longer?

Merkel: Certainly, as long as you don’t mind a much lower allowance.

Putin: Yes, ma’am.

Obama: Hot dang, you go girlfriend!

Merkel: Barack Hussein Obama, hang up this phone immediately! I thought we already talked about this!

Obama: Yes ma’am.

(click)

This conversation, in turn, caused Putin to send Obama some high-end vodka and a little Thinking of You card this week, full story here. I want to state again for the record, I’m not trying play the I told you so card, but I am trying to play the I’m sure the WWIII thing would have worked out well for a President McCain or a President Romney card.

Key Point: any 21^st century election of a republican president—with absolutely no ties left to something called reality—would spell disaster for this planet. They would spell it wrong, of course.

So a spoof news blogger has more insight than an entire political party? That should be a kick in the teeth…um, if their base had any. Sorry, gotta have some fun. Thankfully, Medicaid Expansion is fixing some of their teeth, here, so maybe I’ll have my chance yet.

I admit this Ukraine scenario started off weird. Republicans say all kinds of dumb shit, every day, incessantly in fact, but typically nothing pans out. It’s like reverse magic, but the invasion of Crimea and Russia’s threatening posture toward Ukraine was predicted by folks like Romney and Palin. In fact, Palin said she could actually see this all unfold from her house. I don’t think anyone could have foreseen the shaky situation in the Ukraine and the co-occuring mess in Moscow that made all of this possible. Never the less, the GOP predicted something that actually happened, on Earth, in this dimension, which is almost unprecedented in the 21st century.

However, as things started to ramp up my message to the republicans was don’t pop your champagne bottles just yet. Remember, even when it looks like that one in ten shot is coming through for them, never underestimate the ability of the GOP to get it wrong.

Coming from a conservative perspective, here is what fellow Discord contributor Pokey McDooris had to say on the matter:

“Remember when President Obama boldly drew that red line in the sand with Syria over the use of chemical weapons only to have Daddy Vladdy step in and take over for Baby Bama? I would suggest to you that Vladimir Putin encouraged Syria to step passed that red line and to call Obama’s bluff. I would also suggest to you that Vladimir Putin has been encouraging Iran to develop a nuclear bomb.”

—Pokey McDooris

(Hint of the Day: coming from a conservative perspective is synonymous with dead wrong):

Remember, they can’t discern chess from checkers or see the forest for the Kievs. Here’s my only retort for that deductive gem:

Syria Disarms, Despite Republican Opposition

The Discord got this one right and…uh…that’s about it.

Here was my rebuttal quote at the time:

“Putin’s options suck, especially if he goes one step further. You see, the world runs on something called money—a fact your side insists upon—so the projected long term benefits for Russia, post this little annexation exercise, looks grim. He can’t occupy the Ukraine, easily, and all the other former Soviet borderlands are already sending Angela Merkel flowers and chocolate. It was a fool move, thus the right’s ability to predict it. Republicans have fool moves down to a…oh wait, they don’t believe in science.”

—Mick Zano, Putin Is Not Playing Chess, Crimea Is More of a Fisher-Price Thing

Post the invasion and annexation of Crimea, republicans were convinced a weak Obama had allowed Russia to creep back into a position of power. Of course, nothing could be further from truth (hint: republicans can never be farther from the truth, which is also covered in my Quandumb Mechanics theory and the Zanoberg Principle.

I said, from the beginning, this was a move made from desperation that would ultimately backfire. Putin was never going to come out of this smelling like roses. He did have an opportunity to crash the global economy, for sure, but that was the extent of this “power move”.

Since then—and at least in part because of the annexation of Crimea and the subsequent sanctions—Russia is on the verge of another recession and Putin is receiving the economic message from the rest of world, loud and clear.

I encourage everyone to just take a moment to really absorb each news cycle. Look at each conservative prediction, on any given topic, and then do something they refuse to do, look at what ultimately happened a few weeks or months later. It’s uncanny. If I end up wrong on a major issue, it’s probably going to come when I ignore my instincts and say to myself, naaah, they have to be wrong again. This is very dangerous and may well be by design, but whose? This has been my fear all along, republicans will cover an important truth in a pile of their usual Foxel matter.

…perhaps, but not today.

I believe 21st century Republicans have invented their own reality. The consequences of this can be minimized if we continue to keep them out of office. Don’t boycott businesses for someone’s religious beliefs! Don’t come down to their level. What you need to do is vote in the mother-blanking midterms, you mooching, socialist hipsters before I slap that PBR out of your hand.

by Pokey McDooris • March 25, 2014

Remember when President Obama chose to appease Vladimir Putin by not building a missile defense system in Eastern Europe? Remember the lead up to 2008 Presidential election when Barack Obama went to a bowling alley in Pennsylvania to prove that he could relate to Joe 6-pack…and he bowled a 77?

Remember when Mick Zano hadn’t drank all the liberal Kool-Aid? Oh, and remember when President Obama was caught on tape whispering to Medvedev: “Tell Vladimir that after the election I’ll have some more flexibility”—presumably to make compromises on the U.S. security. Remember when Mitt Romney in the debates expressed great concern over the threat of Russia, and labeled Vladimir Putin as our “greatest foe” and Mr. Obama so condescendingly responded, “The cold war’s been over for 20 years. Now hand me my bowling shoes.”

The fact of the matter is that the cold war never ended. Soviet-style communism didn’t die, it went underground and seeped into the U.S. educational institutions, the entertainment industry, into our political system, into social services, and it’s penetrated the American psyche. As we can clearly see in Mick Zano’s recent attempt to annex The Onion.

Joseph Stalin knew that the Communist Soviet Union could never defeat a moral America head on, and so he devised a long term plan to de-moralize us. In the 1930s Stalin wrote extensively about his goal of actively infiltrating all facets of American Society. In particular, he sought to brainwash American children by encouraging them to rebel against social, familial, and religious authority. He encouraged promiscuity among our youth. The fiend even went so far as to invent the all night kegger and then slid the plans under Mick Zano and Dave Atsals’ dorm room door.

Stalin encouraged crude art, music, and pornography. From within our own nation, communist operatives worked to destroy our national pride, ridicule patriotism, weaken our national defense, and encourage disarmament and pacifism. Here are just a few of ‘Communism’s 45’ as recorded by Congressional Recall on January 10, 1963:

15. Capture one or both of the political parties in the U.S.

17. Get control of the schools.

20. Infiltrate the press.

21. Gain control of key positions in radio, TV, motion pictures.

22. Degrade all forms of American artistic expression. “Our plan is to promote ugliness, repulsive, meaningless art” (See The Daily Discord).

23. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them “censorship.”

25. Promote pornography and obscenity.

26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy, and promiscuity as “normal, natural, and healthy.”

27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with “social” religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity which does not need a religious crutch.

28. Eliminate prayer or any phase of religious expression in the schools on the ground that it violates the “separation of church and state.”

32. Support any movement that gives centralized control over any part of the culture.

40. Discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce.

That’s a masterful plan, huh? I’m sure glad that Stalin failed. Remember when President Obama boldly drew that red line in the sand with Syria over the use of chemical weapons only to have Daddy Vladdy step in and take over for Baby Bama? I would suggest to you that Vladimir Putin encouraged Syria to step passed that red line and to call Obama’s bluff. I would also suggest to you that Vladimir Putin has been encouraging Iran to develop a nuclear bomb. I would suggest to you that Iran hijacked that bowing 777 and as the American media is distracting us by scanning the seas, Iran is planning to use that plane to create a worldwide catastrophe. I would suggest to you that Russia is working with China, the Arab nations, North Korea, and others to reject the U.S. Currency, triggering an economic collapse. You see, over the last five years Vladimir Putin has been playing chess, while President Obama has been bowling–very badly.

by Mick Zano • March 7, 2013

You are traveling through another political dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of lies, a slanderous land of imagination. Next stop, the TwiRight Zone! Picture this if you Wills…George Wills. Sorry, but Mr. Winslow wants me to start warning readers before they click the read more button. It cuts down on complaints—at least marginally so.

I know, I know, I’m covering the batshit Right again when I could be at the casinos, but we happen to be between ghost investigations right now and Cokie McGrath isn’t returning any of my phone calls…again. The way I see it there are generally four types of misinformation tactics flooding Republican-land:

1.Irrelevant Comparisons

2.False equivalencies

3.Revisionist history

4.Outright lies

This is not to say these tactics are completely absent on the Left, it’s just that EVERYTHING on the Right seems to fall into one of these four categories. Theirs is a land built on false assumptions, of shadow not substance, a land that lies closer to the pit of man’s fears than the summit of his knowledge, a land known as…okay, okay, I’ll stop!

The first tactic employed by the GOP is:

1. The Irrelevant Comparison:

The chart at right is not the one I originally saw on Facebook, I couldn’t find that, but it’s the same idea. It might be accurate, aka those numbers are probably real, but comparing the end of Bush and Obama’s first terms in this manner is truly meaningless. But it does get to the heart of the GOP’s delusion. To them the collapse never happened, to them we’re not heading for continued global economic uncertainty, to them overpopulation is not an issue, to them lowering unemployment is easily correctable (despite our country’s inability to actually make things anymore), to them we can frack our way to energy sustainability, to them climate change isn’t happening, to them a return to a 50s-style American nirvana is just around the corner. Next stop Willoughby! Sorry, if I sneak in any more of these Zone references you can wish me away to the cornfield.

Yes, the future is bleak, but it could be worse….

Instead of the economic collapse of 2009, let’s say there was a zombie apocalypse. So that chart above is essentially saying, “As part of Cheney’s covert Super Soldier Program a mutated virus went awry triggering a zombie outbreak. But when George W. Bush left office only a mere 3% of the population were zombies, but in the subsequent four years under the incompetent leadership of Barack Hussein Obama, 96% of the population of Earth became zombies! That zombie appeasing socialist! In all fairness to the Right, Obama’s campaign slogan A Brain in Every Mouth didn’t help matters (grey matter joke gnawed upon and then omitted).

See how that works? It’s a cooked book! It’s a cooked book! Sorry, it’s a Zone thing. Another related analogy might be comparing the economy of Hiroshima of 1944 to 1945. Very insightful but, umm, you’re kind of forgetting about the atomic Bush, or the whole zombie apocalypse thing. Comparing the surplus W walked into to the clusterfuck Obama inherited is like comparing apples and orangutans (Trump ancestry joke omitted, as there’s still a pending lawsuit). Oh, and if you don’t want liberals to keep mentioning Bush, stop thinking charts like this are meaningful.

Another tactic prevalent on the right is called:

2. False Equivalency & You!

The false equivalency, which I first described years ago as “We’re Even!” goes something like this: if a pattern of truly sinister and irrational rhetoric/actions/plottings occur on the Right, it is immediately cancelled out with one semi-related quote uttered by some Rosie O’Donnell type on the Left. Bill Maher has also identified this tactic.

“There’s a man on the right winger of this plane!”

—William Shatner

Exhibit A:

The game “We’re Even!” was played effectively by the Romney campaign during the War on Women. As the Republicans attempted to respond to many of their own statements on rape, birth control, and pay inequality, they semi-successfully squelched the momentum when an Obama intern said, “Ann Romney never worked a day in her life.” Do you remember that? Well, Obama’s aid had a valid point in the context of the argument, but the Republicans all cried in unison, “We’re Even!”—which means everything they said is absolved. It’s like when you’re playing chess and you’re about to be checkmated so you accidentally kick the table.

So…

One valid but inarticulate statement by Obama’s intern =

All of the Republican Senators, Congressman and Presidential candidate’s statements and beliefs that triggered the War on Women.

Well played Republicans, well played. The Hannitys, Drudges and Limbaughs of the world pull this shit every damn day. One drunk Occupier from Oakland says something and that’s supposed to Trump anything said by…er, bad choice of words. You’re fired! Here’s my favorite recent example of false equivalency:

The chart at right is not mine, but I immediately made this same point as Benghazi was unfolding here. My quote:

“You know what’s a real scandal? When nearly 3,000 Americans died in our own country, while our President kept reading My Pet Goat. That’s a slightly larger intelligence failure, no? But in Bush’s defense that’s a really good book.”

—Mick Zano

I always try to link back to earlier posts, but as for the GOP-types it’s best we forget their statements so they can focus all of their energy on botching the next issue.

We probably couldn’t have prevented the four deaths in the cesspool known as Benghazi, yet somehow that trumps the largest intelligence failure here in America since Pearl Harbor—not to mention the worst reaction to said intelligence failure since Nam. Oh, not to mention our wonderful Republican Congress actually blocked funds for said embassy security. But I can see their point…er, okay not really. Can anyone on the Right even identify an actual problem anymore? Oh yeah, the guy just confirmed as our Defense Secretary (Hint: that’s why they hate him). This whole scenario becomes even more disturbing when you consider approximately 40% of our country thinks Benghazi = Iraq.

Of course, the Foxeteer will respond with, “We’re even! Besides, Iraq was just an intelligence failure!”

Oh, Iraq was an intelligence failure all right, just not the kind you meant, or as I put it nearly a sentence ago:

“Oh, Iraq was an intelligence failure all right, just not the kind you meant.”

—Mick Zano

Sorry, I’ve apparently already abused my hyperlink privileges.

As a psychology type, I wonder how so many people can immediately translate this back into Limbaughnese. Tragic beans? Wait, I got it! Rove-setta Stone!

Translate and understand a truly irrational ideology in just a few easy Hannity episodes! You two can make sense of the senseless with our six-CD set. And, not only is it inaccurate, it’s fun!

False equivalency (exhibit two):

The GOP believes voter intimidation/suppression =

Yes, it equals two yahoos at a voting station in an already heavily favored Obama district being weird and creepy.

VS.

Republican intimidation/suppression =

A coordinated effort by politicians and judges to create systemic changes designed to create widespread voter suppression.

Come on everyone! Say it with me! …We’re Even!

And yet Congress couldn’t even clap during that SOTU story of a 102 year old woman who waited many hours to vote in Florida. I know Obama said no more name calling, buutt…

What a great game. You see? Those are equal…well, for the factually impaired. Similarly the GOP is now trying to essentially gerrymander the entire Electoral College (related article here). Confused? Just replace the word gerrymander with screw. But don’t worry, I’m sure the next statement by Michael Moore on the subject will mean, “We’re Even!” Sadly tuition was too high at the Electoral College for me, but I still frequent the campus bars.

And for #3 one of my favorites:

3. Revisionist History:

I’ve beaten this one to death, but my last post has an example that gets to the heart of it. The Foxeteers think the Bush Administration never happened and they all agree “Obama is the worst President ever!”

Reality Check:

Historians and scholars rank W. almost dead last and Obama is guesstimated by guru Nate Silver as coming in around 17^th (between good and average).

Here’s one of my old articles on Republican revisionism here. When investigated and researched, almost everything the GOP holds as gospel is built on a pile of lies and false assumptions, or as I call it The Vatican. I kid the Pope. Actually, it all started with Lord Reagan and an economic strategy with many years of implementation yet no discernable successes (aka, Trickle Down, aka, Supply Side Economics, aka, Reaganomics, aka, how can you all be against pot and dream up this shit?). Well, it apparently works if you like high deficits.

The last and probably most heavily utilized tactic is (drum roll):

4. Outright Lies:

The Outright Lie is my favorite, but I’m told if I try to list these again I will crash our server. For examples see any non-ghost-related-Zano-article (NGRZA). I believe the NGRZA were the same dragon-like creatures the ringwraiths flew back in Mordor. It must be true, I heard it in a Zeppelin song. I am going to try to limit this category to one recent example to add to my collection:

Okay, Googling…(12 seconds later)…ah, here we are:

The Sequester: If you want to know step-by-step how it’s actually going down, check out Dickerson’s coverage over on Slate. Hint: it will be news to a Foxeteer, but what isn’t, right? Yes, the GOP, as usual, is insistent on being the most wrong on any given topic. And the only thing they’re consistent about is their ability to lie to each and every step of the way. Bob Woodward’s rendition was also dismantled by Ezra Klein, here. Oops.

Hey, Pssst, Woodward. Come here, let me talk to you in private:

Look, you’re an okay dude, but even if you think the GOP is right about something, they’re probably not. I learned this the hard way a few times and you can learn from my mistakes. If you think they’re right about something double check that shit before you open your mouth, kapish?

(Italics = Private).

But even if it were true, even if Obama set up the sequester trap, Boehner will step right into that shit every time. Obama has been playing a great game of chess. But, on the other…er, opposable thumb…

This is what Republicans are playing. Good luck with that.

Andrew Sullivan has always made the comparison Obama = Road Runner and Boehner = Wile E. Coyote, but some good news for the Republicans, according to his business card, Wile E. Coyote is a super genius. This aint rocket surgery.

Here’s some more scientific reasons for the GOP’s continued suckage. Good thing for them they don’t believe in science, eh? Did you hear about this study suggesting neurological difference between voting D and R? Check out this Penn State/Brown University study. Of course, Fox News covered the news as, “Hey kids, there’s a reason you buy all our malarkey despite any supporting evidence! You use the reptilian parts of your brain more often and more effectively than Democrats! It’s called the amygdala and it governs fear, paranoia, and most Fox & Friends episode.”

Or, as I said in my last post (before reading this study):

“We both arrived at similar conclusions. I arrived at mine through reason and logic and they arrived at theirs through fear and propaganda…the usual.”

—Mick Zano

Yeah, I’m a shameless know-it-all. It’s a shame. I have already covered the neurological deficits of the GOP here, as well as accurately diagnosed them as a collective here. The amygdala is a more primitive part of the brain associated with people who used to beat me up regularly at frat houses. The anterior insula—used more by the Dems to reach decisions—is mammalian in origin. So Republicans’ decision making first arrived on the evolutionary scene…well, this joke says it best:

Brain Studies Suggest GOP is only 290 Million Years Behind!

Fox News: So close to the Mesozoic you can smell it…
Ahh, but we haven’t developed smell yet.

Ask your doctor if the more executive functioning centers of the brain are right for you. Yeah, they’re not just a little behind on the evolutionary scale, but that’s okay because they don’t believe in evolution. So they’re good. And don’t worry, I’m sure sail-backed-synapsids are coming back into style any time now. I kid the Republicans. But studying how one uses the anterior insulate (mammalian) vs. the amygdala (reptilian) has an 83% accuracy in determining whether you will vote D or R. Scary but Truman.

“The only thing to fear is Fox itself”

—FDR

This also ties into a theory I have supported for many years, Beck & Cowan’s Spiral Dynamics. This theory states cultures and individuals move through stages, or levels of consciousness, namely from: tribal thought, to fundamentalism, to entrepreneurialism, to liberalism, to—if you believe the Transpersonalists like Ken Wilber—integral thought. I think this is an accurate theory, but it’s controversial because at first glance it appears hierarchical (a liberal taboo) and Republicans don’t like it (because of their ranking). Of course, the Wilberits would say we can counter these problems by meditating, meditating, meditating! Initially misunderstanding this message, I ended up with a sore palm throughout most of my adolescence.

The dysfunction of our government is primarily of Republican design and most of our current woes are linked to Republican policies. I would love to do a whole post on issues I do agree with the GOP, but thus far it’s only one sentence. But, in their defense, it is a long sentence.

But here’s one disturbing point. There’s no one left to reign Obama in. Let’s be clear…there’s no longer a viable opposition party. Obama is going to push Keynesian economics to its limits, which I personally don’t think is a great idea. He can just dismantle the GOP’s arguments and paint them as crazy. It’s not too difficult as they have a tendency to talk about how they really feel about issues, out loud…with their microphones on. I still feel Obama is fairly moderate in his governing, but nevertheless America is being pushed toward an uber-liberalism and some of this rampant leftism is a direct result of the sad and pathetic behavior of the Foxeteers, or as I put it in my last post:

“One Sean Hannity episode and I’m ready to hand over my gun, have an abortion, and divide all my money equally between my coworkers.”

—Mick Zano

I fear this scenario. What they fear is a larger dimetrodon; their only natural predator. Sorry, back in time again. Precambrian…hmm, if my 8^th grade science is correct that came before the Cambrian.

So if some moment, any moment, you hear emanating from your flat screen the sound of Sean Hannity or Bill O’Reilly, voices filled with vitriol and angst, they are the last gasps of a dying ideology—an ideology trying to muddle its way home from one of the darker corners of the TwiRight Zone.

Let’s let the Zone’s Rod Serling close up shop:

“It’s a sickness known as hate. Not a virus, not a microbe, not a germ. Highly contagious. Deadly in its effects. Don’t look for it in the Twilight Zone. Look for it in the mirror. Look for it before the lights go out altogether…like during the last Super Bowl. Go Ravens!”

—Rod Serling

(Not doctored in any way)

(Honest)

(Okay, perhaps a smidge)

mick_zano@dailydiscord.com

by Mick Zano • September 25, 2012

Prince Charles’ Copycat Streaking Causes Outrage, Nausea

London, Eng—In some misguided attempt at youthful exuberance, Prince Charles, not to be outdone, stripped down to his family jewels and bolted through downtown London yesterday. This copycat stunt comes in the wake of Prince Harry’s Vegas shenanigans and Princess Kate’s Paparazzi-style topless photos.

Prince Charles told reporters, “It seems the Royal Family is on a bit of a streak, heh, heh. Why should young people have all the fun? I’m sick of the “Dirty” Prince Harry jokes and the Duchess of Shamebridge nonsense. So I decided to do a little saber rattling myself, nudge, nudge. I thought about jumping in the Thames naked, but it’s rather thick this time of year. Then I considered riding my horse naked through the city, but then I thought ‘too Lady Godiva’. That’s when I came up with the idea to just go on a jogging naked barcrawl kind of thing.”

When asked if this constituted proper behavior for a Prince, Charles said, “I am the naked man formerly known as Prince. Besides, Big Ben’s got nothing on me, bitches!” He then continued his awkward jog west toward a structure now referred to as IntheBuffingham Palace.

Her Majesty the Queen was unavailable for comment as she is scheduled to bungee jump from Tower Bridge, er…you know.