25 search results for "chess"

While I’m Playing Chess, Pokey, You’re Playing Rock, Paper, Other Rock

My friend and blogvesary is at it again, blasting out of my comment section like a sirocco, blazing across the land, into your home, slamming into your website like a supercharged nano-particle of unobtainium! Fine, that’s George Knapp, but my friend probably inspired his opening. Today on Discord Crossfire, Pokey is accusing me of not answering any of his fictional questions. I don’t feel I need to justify my actions, articles, voting record, predictions, or criminal background *cough* …but maybe, just maybe, he should. My friend is still touting the merits of Spygate over Russiagate, aka Obama/Lynch = Guilty and Trump/Cohorts = Innocent. Carl Sagan once said, “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence,” and amidst this 2019 political landscape, I think anything espoused by a rightwinger now requires a Atlantis-is-ruled-by-sasquatches level of proof. The onus is on you and your ilk to prove your non-stop, nonsensical non-sequiturs. [Retraction: you’re probably right, keep digging and maybe you’ll emerge on the other side of these scandals]. Hollow Birther theory? The Repubtilian agenda?

Putin Is Not Playing Chess, Crimea Is More of a Fisher-Price Thing

Mick Zano

So Stalin’s plans for Russia are finally coming to fruition? The place John McCain just left saying is a gas station masquerading as a country? That Russia? The not playing with a full set of Olympic rings Russia? Wow, Pokey, that’s more of a stretch than my latest ghost/ectopilsner theory.

By the way, this is a rebuttal of two recent Pokey McDooris submissions, here and here.

So Putin is playing “chess” in Crimea? Really? I want to drive to PA, right now, and throw your AM radio out of your hut…well, after a big hug. Putin’s options suck, especially if he goes one step further. You see, the world runs on something called money—a fact your side insists upon—so the projected long term benefits for Russia, post this little annexation exercise, looks grim. He can’t occupy the Ukraine, easily, and all the other former Soviet borderlands are already sending Angela Merkel flowers and chocolate. It was a fool move, thus the right’s ability to predict it. Republicans have fool moves down to a…oh wait, they don’t believe in science.

I meant to give your articles more attention, but I went to Vegas instead. So I guess I glossed over shit, which is a Vegas Related Condition (VRC):

Take two:

1. I have a right to refuse health care: The Deplorable Care Act.

Yeah, healthcare is a real liberty wrecker.

“A version of the ACA was tried under Romney in Massachusetts and that marks the day freedom died.”

—John Q. Republican

I vividly remember the day Romney seized power in Massachusetts in 2006. The United Nations stood idly by as the unthinkable happened. In 2007 that monstrous republican governor used radiation against his own people!  …who had cancer. The hospitals were all overflowing!  …with people seeking needed treatment. Most tried to flee the state during those dark times. The image of route 90, backed up with cars bumper-to-bumper, is still burned in my memory  …I think a Red Sox game was letting out.

The Supreme Court differs with your appraisal of the individual mandate’s Constitutionality, but I too have always been wary of this part of the ACA. But at least Mr. Obama identified an important problem. Without MAJOR reforms to our healthcare system, we were on the fast track to ruin. Currently the U.S. is ranked 37th in the world and it’s twice as expensive as the next most costly system, or, as the republicans call it, the free market works. That makes me sick…and thanks to Obamacare I lost my doctor!

If the free market works, then you need to make it actually work. Fail long enough and we’ll have a Homeland Security sized HIPPA and Joint Commission. No, that’s not about legalization. I wish.

But your “leave me alone, I’ll pay for my own ER visits when they happen” is ridiculous. Thanks to something called data, we have found the vast majority of uninsured Americans will never pay a dime for their ER hospital visits. Oh, and the GOP’s recent counter proposal to the ACA is asinine, here.

The possibilities are:

1. We make the ACA work.

2. We come up with a viable alternative.

3. Healthcare becomes a right for all Americans.

4. Those poor peeps who won’t sign up for the ACA must sign a ‘don’t treat me’ waiver, aka, ‘the please die quietly in the lobby’ plan.

*which, oddly enough, is also my recent submission to Jan Brewer’s AZ State Motto Contest. The winner was Drink Water or Die. I get it; we live in a desert. I was geographically disadvantaged.

I’ll give you this much, Pokey, whereas most of the other 17-universal healthcare models across the globe are working reasonably well, the U.S. is no longer as competent as most countries. I also live in fear of the fascist bureaucracy that such a mega-health system will undoubtedly spawn, thus my initial hesitancy to endorse this shit. But I believe everything pales in comparison to electing a republican—operating solely from a false reality—as our president. Let’s see how Putin’s “chess” plays out and then extrapolate that to the next GOP frontrunner.

2. It is unconstitutional to force a person or business to directly violate their conscience:

The ACA’s mandated coverage of birth control is a sticky wicket, but I believe women’s rights are equally as important as our religious sensibilities. I almost wrote “freedoms” there, but that would be a stretch. I think Obama has tried to hear and respond to the concerns of the religious community and he has tried to strike a balance. The devout have an argument but, like anything else on the right, it’s a weak one.

If you start with the premise that every tax dollar collected, in this case for employee healthcare, must somehow be endorsed by those taxed before it’s allocated…uhhhh, what?

Let’s say someone drank too much and now has liver issues? My money shouldn’t go to his treatment, because I don’t even drink. And I’m not paying for Adderall because I don’t believe in ADHD. Oh, and the Bible suggests we stone homosexuals to death, not treat them, which could save the taxpayer tens of millions! Maybe each citizen should receive a report to see where the money’s going. I don’t want to pay for the next Discord’s ghost-investigation-tax-right-off, because they’re just sanctioned binge fests. Okay, you might have a point on that one.

Your approach is way more of a slippery slope than the alternative. Let’s allow adults to make their own decisions with their own doctors on their own legal healthcare options. Tell you what, we’ll even take it off your karma and your conscience….for no extra cost to you! But only if you act now! Besides, the Pope reminded everyone not to get too hung up on the whole contraception thing. And don’t you report to him?


Republican Crucifix

You really got a learn Photoshop, Poke.

3. As the federal government grows in power and scope, our individual liberties shrink.

Our liberties markedly shrank in the aftermath of 9/11. I seem to remember being opposed to that. But, sorry, some of them aren’t coming back.

Fun Fact:

Most Americans polled choose security over personal freedoms.

And thus far we’re losing the NSA battle. Your totalitarian watch is crucial, but once again the GOP has proved a distraction. They were reluctant, for years, to even run the NSA scandal (the only substantial Obama scandal), because they know they created the problem. Their listeners don’t, of course, but what’s new? So instead, the right just invents stuff. Most of the real reporting on the NSA is occurring on the left, but, again, Glenn Greenwald is the guy to watch.

Even the Republican Speaker of the House recently admitted the “think tanks” on the right have “lost all credibility”. If 9 out of 10 things covered by the right wing media is drivel, Obama will continue to dismiss everything they say, even the real shit. Fox News is an actual scandal’s best friend. Fox and Frauds? This is precisely why, without republican reform, we’re in big trouble. Well, I would prefer a new party at this point. Transcosmetic anyone?

4. Joseph Stalin has infiltrated the U.S. and turned our country into an amoral wasteland.

I’m afraid we’re moving into the age of atheism. I am not an atheist, but I believe if it is done correctly, it sure beats Huckabee. As per many societal models (Beck, Cowan, Graves, et al.), all cultures inevitably move toward liberalism, but whether it’s a hedonistic breakdown in morals or a natural evolutionary step for any given society will depend on how a country makes such a transition. Whether the U.S. becomes Nirvana or Newark hinges on having two healthy political parties. This has been my battle cry. Currently we have one ship listing to port and the other is currently resting at a depth below a certain Boeing 777. As usual, the republicans have mistaken the forest for the tree huggers.

On another note, you are right to point out my increasingly condescending posts, but— [Condescending remark removed by the editor.]

Back in the day, you helped me keep such rantgressions in check….until you ran off with another blogger! Website wrecker! Sorry.

In your absence our politics have devolved further, but my main point remains: no matter what events transpire in this 24/7 news-cycle world, everyone is now capable of immediately twisting these events into their own warped worldview. You seem equally as susceptible. The filters we all had are engrained in our psyches. I maintain the GOP’s filters are the thickest and the sickest. I fear they will ultimately be our undoing. And I have been backing up these claims each week with cute little graphs involving bats and poop.

Another McDooris Submission! Quickly, to the Batshit Signal!
Another McDooris submission! Quickly, to the batshit signal! See how fun that is?
See how fun that is?

The things that keep me up at night are listed in a feature here. You do not share my concerns because we now live entirely in alternate political realities. Joseph Stalin, Genghis Khan and Lord Voldormort are all strangely absent from my list of potential future crises. This week evidence has surfaced suggesting our ocean currents are slowing. This is one of those tipping points I’ve been on the lookout for. The aftermath, should our ocean currents stop completely, will be profound. As I have said before, on that fateful day, when the shit hits the Fox, you will still be allowed to rant, shoot, and worship unfettered—all from a bar if you move back to AZ. But before the internet crashes for that last time, I plan to try to desperately send you an image of a bat and some poop.

And as for your other ramblings involving a hijacked plane filled with nukes, I believe your theory has been located, scattered across a remote part of the Indian Ocean.

I’ve Got Your Political Tinfoil Hat Decoder Ring, Right Here!

I’ve always had a certain level of suspicion, after all, I spent the better part of my college career hanging out with a dude in a fedora and a ‘Question Authority’ t-shirt. My instincts, thereby, are to follow folks down these rabbit holes, depending on the fairy tale, of course. But rarely have I found these deep dives into the right-wing conspiracy trenches worthwhile, as they typically list toward the Jay Ward ‘fractured’ variety. Twenty years of this endeavor can be captured best by YouTubing QAnon predictions to the Depp-Heard trial transcript, while being waterboarded. Some disturbing details are typically uncovered regarding “how the sausage is made,” and then interest wanes when the indictment fervor fades. Simple reform isn’t among the rightwinger’s hobby interests. The punch line comes from the deeper dive, when you uncover who made such actions legal in the first place. More of these roads lead to Lord Reagan than I ever imagined. The DNC’s treatment of Bernie Sanders in 2016—particularly Hillary’s role—is probably the most tangible wrongdoing on the left, but on some level republicans appreciate such tactics and probably took notes. Despite this, staying vigilant in the Age of Misinformation is important because this mountain-sized pile of Foxal matter represents the perfect place to hide a real scandal. It’s the virtual haystack in which to drop any size needle. If Hillary does murder someone, she has but to drop a breadcrumb over at Infowars, and she’s golden. On other side, Donald Trump just shot someone in the face on 5th Avenue and said, “See?”

Why All The Reviews Get Netflix’s Midnight Mass So Bloody Wrong

Netflix’s Midnight Mass is a fascinating miniseries, but not for the reasons you might think. The tale perfectly captures what I call the scheissgeist of our time. The story is set on Crockett Island, a fictional town resting off the coast of the Pacific Northwest—a place that, despite its location, somehow managed to miss the whole craft beer movement thing. Poignant. Otherwise, this island-nation becomes the perfect metaphor for the States. It’s even nicknamed ‘the crockpot’ for its melting-pot levels of diversity. You can take it, try to leave it, or burn it to the ground, aka the same problem we all face today. The acting and the special effects are a strength, and I particularly appreciated the attention to atmospheric detail. The series is steeped in Christian symbolism and Mary Magdalen makes an appearance as well, but never mind all that, let’s get Pruitt! Our story starts with the return of not one, but two prodigal sons, who represent not one but two separate levels of consciousness. The island is ‘graced’ with the return of their old priest, Father Pruitt, played by Hamish Linklater, who the congregation believes is a temp sent by the diocese, yet in reality (spoiler alert) he’s a younger vampiric version of himself. Pruitt, now traveling under the name Paul Hill, was restored during his own spiritual journey through the holy land by a more ancient evil. The priest represents the mythic-fundamentalist mindset, and he is content to propagate his new species, thus interpreting the eternal aspect of the undead dealio as a gift from God. In this way Christianity itself becomes the contagion, a new twist on the MAGA-variant joke. He’s trying to make lemonade out of the lemons that the dark angel gave him, or, in this case, bloody marys. The second prodigal son, equally damaged, is Riley Flynn played by Zach Gilford. After a felony DUI that resulted in the death of a young woman, Riley returns home after his jail stint, still haunted by the ordeal. He represents the rational-modern level of consciousness, struggling for meaning and purpose. His girlfriend, Erin Greene played by Kate Siegel, represents the liberal level of consciousness (Green level, or, in this case, Greene). See how this works? In the end, she does grasp the perennial philosophy as she lies bleeding out in the final sequence amidst a pantheistic soliloquy reminiscent of Sagan and Dawkins jerking off to Spinoza. Oh, sorry, that’s the other spoiler alert. Spinoza was a pantheist.

How Liberals Will Flunk Their Midterms

Three days after my Illiberal Hillbilly post, Bill Maher took up the Olympic ‘Woke’ torch by focusing on the same firing of the Director of the Olympics for a joke he uttered in 1998. Maher mentioned two more incidents that I missed involving another dismissal for ‘bullying in grade school’ and yet another for a private ‘fat’ joke. As per my last post, everyone goes through a bullying stage during their own development, some in kindergarten, others in the third grade, and still others during their first administration. Kidding, he never moved beyond that. Again, denying consciousness growth or basic child development is a mistake on the liberal’s part, potentially a costly one. Maher calls this an ongoing purge. Ya think fat jokes are in bad taste? Wait for Donald Trump’s Grover Cleveland impersonation, because that could be the next act on the docket, kids. Yeah, there’s a lot at stake here. You forget that many red states are shifting blueward. Why derail that trend for crap like this? These examples are from Japan, but it’s the same mindset here that needs addressing.

MAGA Journalism And More Fail Pattern Boldness

Cognitive political biases and dissonance go hand and hand with today’s political scheissgiest, but will it be enough to brand this new republican reality? Watching my blogvesary operate lately, well, think Dunning-Kruger meets the Hulk on Testo-Max. Time and time again, I’ve questioned just where this enduring conservative confidence comes from. If I screwed the prognosticative pooch over 90% of the time, I’d like to think I’d be aware of that fact. On the flip side of this phenomenon, I was always concerned that if our rightwing friends ever did sink their teeth into something semi-legitimate, we would literally never hear the end of it. The liberal media has just breathed new life into Qville.

Enter the Wuhan…

The GOP’s Hijacking Of The Ghost Of Christmas Past, Present And Future

There’s a different kind of War on Christmas occurring, and it’s a little more Ghostbustery than Grinchy. Something occurred to me during a recent conversation with a couple of republicans, well, besides the usual masochistic implications. Another dimension of rightwing madness availed itself, a kind of republican Wrinkle in Le’Guin. The first rightwinger feared our imminent return to communism under more liberal leadership, no surprise there, while the second conveyed a cresting China-angst as Beijing now sits poised to eat our lunch. “Better learn to speak Mandarin, Zano.” So on one side we find a Soviet-style communism, with all the Stalinesque trappings, no doubt courtesy of our Veep and her trusty sidekick, AOC—both secretly from Venezuela—as for that other side, we find China’s quantum economic leap amidst the pandemic. As for these Christmas Ghosts, well, the first is absurd and apparently the threat of China sprung from the void on January 20th. But let’s forget the merits of these arguments for a moment; what struck me is the elegance of the Fox News effect. The GOP keeps its viewership off balance and split-focused between these two ghosts. In this way, all problems occurring today, what many of us refer to as the present, can be duly ignored. Thus we can bypass anything resembling a solution to any problem, indefinitely, which is really cost-effective if you’re, say, Mr. Burns over at the power plant. This also explains how the rightwing position never evolves in an unwanted direction, or, more precisely, in any direction whatsoever. It rings of John Boehner’s recent comment, “What does the GOP stand for anymore?” Were this a chess game, D would have moved their pawn, donning a Lollapalooza shirt, and R would then start to talk about their next move and scratch their collective head. Eventually, Zeno of Elea would be proud, as the sun would gradually deplete its hydrogen supply before their first move. MAGA only pawn in game of life.

Spygate As Cover For Sedition, And Other Fun Things Republicans Do In Their Spare Time

I’m aware the Spygate nonsense is among the least read articles on my blog, but it’s nevertheless important to identify how republicans operate and the associated dangers of allowing their lies to go unchallenged. Yes, Poke, a factoid blown out of proportion is a form of a lie, especially when these factoids are used to generate wild conspiracies as a means to distract the American public from sedition. Following this simple strategy, they can and will effectively tear down our republic. And they’ll do this willingly to aid and abet a known felon, work steadily against their own interests, while taking the word of a political party that has yet to get a scandal right, at least historically speaking. But this time’s gonna be different! No. No it’s not. It’s zenwrongness, or forever being wrong in the moment. And they will hold us all hostage until the last one of their fool inquiries are all answered to their satisfaction, which is impossible when it’s forever garbage in, garbage out. This has been a key prediction of mine for many years. Take Benghazi, no really, take it. Countless ongoing investigations, never-ending questions, nothing relevant to the initial inquiry ever surfaces yet they keep doubling down on their dipshit. It’s just one whopping MAGA-mega-audit fracturing into ever deeper labyrinthine layers of QDroppings and Foxal matter. The rabid hole. As for Spygate, my friend does not feel Crossfire Hurricane, or Razor, or even the investigation into Russian interference itself was properly predicated—all have zero merit. My friend somehow knows more than the Feds, the judges involved, a couple of AGs, our congressional intel committees, and all three special counsels combined. He must have had his Wheaties this morning. I just hope they weren’t laced.

Welcome To The US Where The Water’s Brown But Your Neighbors Better Not Be

In true 2020 fashion, today in Texas brain-eating amoebas were discovered in the water supply. The good news? Devoid of any food source, they probably won’t survive long in a republican district. And Flint, Michigan residents still can’t drink their water, but it’s a buyer’s real estate market now, right? We just need Detroit to build bigger Rams to haul the water …from Canada. Maybe the Keystone pipeline can be used for water and oil? And maybe some Molson, eh? Talk about a trade hat trick. We just have to clear it with Trudeau …and Putin. Now that’s some fine can-do American thinking. And, heck, Puerto Rico just has to wait for the next category 5 to get their water sloshing right into their house! The new American Standard? Please don’t Moen at that joke. The city of Flint is saying the water is safe in their district, but this is view is not shared by the majority of its residents, which brings us to our next problem: republicans should not be tasked with anything related to public safety. The real story? Flint is no longer an outlier, but rather a sneak peek at our new normal. We are being poisoned at the same time republican leadership—the same group with a Nugentesque Stranglehold on our courts—is stripping us of our healthcare. Hey, but any proof that republicans can do two things at once is truly mind-blowing (deadly amoebas sold separately). Is it wrong to root for the single-celled organisms at this point? Somebody get me a microscope, I wonder if all those little red nubs on those coronaviruses are tiny MAGA hats.

[‘Yeast of our problems’ joke removed by a pair a ‘meciums.]

James Lipton Drops Out Ahead Of Super Tuesday And Plans To Endorse Angel Of Death

Manhattan, NY—American writer, lyricist, and actor James Lipton has strategically died ahead of Super Tuesday at the age of 93. Lipton always had a flair for the dramatic, and his death is proving to be no exception. As a huge fan of language, Mr. Lipton was secretly unhappy with the president’s tweetular butchery and, after seeing Trump’s competition, the actor wanted to make his last performance a political one. He told a good friend, “With the spread of the Corona Virus, lack of healthcare, and all the strong work republicans are doing across the Middle East and beyond, Death had gotten a big bump in the polls recently. So I thought, why not pick a true winner? …you know, someone who was bound to defeat Donald Trump in the end.”