Dumb Texts

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This page is dedicated to the non stop dumb ass texts that are exchanged regularly between Discord Staff. Each week we pick our favorite to share with our four fans.

 

Top 10: The Best Guinness in Las Vegas Revealed!

Mick Zano

This post is over two years in the making, but only because I just learned how to use Word. It took longer for Bald Tony and I to complete this arduous Irish/Vegas pubcrawl than it took Frodo and Sam to journey to Mordor. Granted, we would have remained at the Green Dragon until the orcs razed the place, but, who knows, maybe Sauron would have kept us on as Middle-Earth beer tasters? Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Yes Mr. Winslow, I just compared you to a dark sorcerer, but in a good way…really. Oh, on that note, I’ve just released a Nazgul toward Barad dur with our receipts.

Flagstaff’s Brew Ha-Ha Gets the Last Laugh

Flagstaff Brew-Ha-Ha
Mick Zano

After the Made in the Shade incident, I swore I would never cover another brew festival again. I made this proclamation to my wife the next day, or maybe she told me. Well, the beauty of being me is no longer being burdened with any long or short term memory whatsoever. And, in retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have gone to that second party afterward.

U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program Into Brewery

U.S. Convinces Iran to Turn Nuke Program into Brewery

Tehran, IR—The State Department is hailing the recent development of Iran’s decision to convert their uranium enrichment facilities into breweries as a “major achievement”. Iran won’t have any power but they will have porters. The United Nations supports Iran’s decision to brew beer and approved the distribution of cans, bottles, and growlers. They have yet to give Tehran the go-ahead to produce 22 oz. bombers as there remains a lingering fear that this could be a gateway size.

Iran Brewery will feature several flagship beers including a dry-hopped Infidel IPA, a Sharia Sour, a peach-flavored Genocider, and a Death to American Pale Ale. The Mohammed Malt Liquor was pulled from the racks, however, after an artist died on the rack for what Iran officials are calling “a label design mishap.”

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