Not Again! Lohan Careens Into La Brea Tar Pits

Not Again! Lohan Careens into La Brea Tar Pits

Los Angeles, CA—Late Saturday night Lindsay Lohan walked away from an accident that left four pedestrians and two mastodons injured. The police believe her jet black Maserati was exceeding 90 MPH through a residential area when her car crashed through a six-foot fence and became mired in the very pit of tar that killed the mammoths.

LAPD chief, Bill Tyson, stated, “This is the second time this week Miss Lohan’s vehicle came to rest in the pit at the corner of La Brea and Wilshire. Well, it’s better than that time she ended up in the Griffith Observatory’s planetarium.”

Live on the scene, Cokie McGrath, agreed, “This is clearly better than the Griffith Observatory incident. Survivors reported thinking her headlights were just a binary star system and part of the show. Today is more like The Fast and the Furious meets the Olyphant’s siege of Gondor. I don’t know if Lohan’s plunge into this pit of tar is a euphemism, or a metaphor, or a pun. I really don’t…I’m a reporter, not a journalist. I leave that kind of shit to Zano.”

The mastodons were unavailable for comment, but Zano is going with pun.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.