Iran Deal: For “Team Building Exercise” Kerry Suggests Dismantling Live Thermonuclear Device

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Tehran, IR—Secretary of State John Kerry suggested a team building activity designed to either build ties between Iranian and U.S. Diplomats or atomize them. The two teams split into mixed groups tasked with disarming a live nuclear warhead within the allotted time frame. Secretary Kerry told The Discord, “Most such meetings require an ice breaking exercise, but this situation required an advanced course, something that would break much more than just ice. Oh, and when I suggested we ‘split’ into two atom bomb dismantling groups, I emphasized ‘split’, get it? Get it? But no one got it. I blame the translators. My other jokes didn’t land either, but the rest of the exercise far exceeding expectations, or you would have read about it in the paper.”

Senator John Q. Republican actually complemented Kerry’s efforts, “Far be it from me to admit this, but Kerry pulled off a brilliant ploy. If the exercise was completed successfully, no harm done, but if things went south we could take out both the worst Secretary of State in U.S. history as well as Tehran in one fell swoop. Kidding, Hillary was the worst Secretary of Benghazi…I mean, State.”

President Obama was quick to defend the exercise, “We should all commend Secretary Kerry’s savvy diplomatic efforts. What no one is talking about is the timing. If this deal literally blew up, lifting sanctions would become a moot point. I knew he would bomb comedically and, if things went all Hiroshima, I had a prepared speech as well.”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.