When criticized for the coincidence surrounding where and who the rocket struck, Putin said, “I know nuszink,” and went on to explain how much he loved the show Hogan’s Heroes as a child and how Schultz was always his favorite.

Then Putin told reporters, “This was a tragic setback for Russia and for mankind’s ongoing exploration via a more comfortable and color coordinated space station. Another such tragic event is scheduled to happen again next week in the face of my old friend Uri A. Deadman. You know who you are Uri, or should I say were.”

In an odd coincidence, Yankovich’s dog, Oykbuk may have been stolen moments before the accident by members of Putin’s Federal Security Service: Puppy Division.

“I may be a killer, but I’m not a monster,” said Putin.