The Iraq War and the Edge of Harshness

Mick Zano

The following rant was initially submitted to the Arizona Daily Sun by Dr. Kwela Juluka. It was rejected for its edgy harshness and, perhaps, because it was caked in a mysterious layer of white power. So he sent it our way because he knows this rag fosters such bouts of edgy harshness…and he also knows we snort anything. I have since asked Dr. J to consider becoming a regular contributor here at The Discord, as this remains one of the best places to foment such edgy harshness as to allow such rants to eventually encompass all the remaining synonyms for harsh and edgy….uh, hedgy?

Here’s the submission:

Having lived through the past dozen years with my ears pummeled by the increasingly brutal cacophony of modern politics, I can say in all certainty that I am nauseated with the nonsense that rings in the media about the present crisis in Iraq: seeping from the mouths of those such as Sen John McCain, who glorify war.

A casual reading of any historical summary of Iraq will convince even the most partisan hacks among us that the country is, at the very least, a seething cesspool chock full of the worst elements of the crusades, Mexican cartels, the 19th century US Calvary, and Ebola. For 1400 years, the factions in that region have been beheading one another over the rightful heir(s) to the second coming of Jesus, a fiction that, for instance, commands a father to stone his child to death for being logical. Following the only major terrorist attack on US soil in the past 20 years due to our leadership’s failure to pay attention to real intelligence information, the Bush administration deliberately fabricated new intelligence, with most of us then, blinded by self-righteous vindictiveness, were suckered by snake oil.

But soon, some of us regained our senses, only to become dehumanized as unpatriotic leftist extremists while “victory” was declared. Now we have the McCains, Rumsfelds, Cheneys, and other ophidians that disturbed the bees (and in the process destroyed our economy), insisting we slither into the hive again. These lethal pretenders to leadership should have their mouths washed with bleach and sewn forever closed on matters of war. Their venom should never again pollute our sensibilities.

Dr. Kwela Juluka

Tell us how you really feel Doc? As ISIS captured city after Iraqi city, Dr. J was obviously deeply troubled with the recent charade on Fox. Frankly, I was never angrier after their coverage. And when I use adverbs frankly Mr. Winslow is never angrier. Maybe they should change their logo to:

Fox News:
Fox News: Let’s keep asking what idiots think.
Let’s keep asking what idiots think.

But kudos to Megyn Kelly for calling out Dick Cheney on his Horseshit. She was the only bright spot last week. Her station, meanwhile, chose to just show 2007 Surge justification quotes (SJQ) in the guise of insight (my take here).  In some ways this particular brand of their revisionist history is the most offensive yet. Hopefully it will only act to further expose their master plan. Regardless of the facts on the ground, they will continue to try to shift everything, even their greatest blunders, into another flight suit moment beneath some metaphorical Mission Accomplished banner. The Republican Party is an utter farce and the more people who realize this the better. It’s not just that some of the stuff they peddle is bullshit, it’s that everything is either outright lies, trivial, meaningless or some combination thereof.

I’ll end with a marvelous quote about this constant pile of “bullpuckey” being pushed by the right wing media:

“They are happy to tell each other, for years, that this stuff is news, and not just stuff that they made up, while the real media—and frankly the politicians who have to swim in that sewer—have to worry about this parallel track of paranoid fake information that traffics as news on the American political right, but that is disproven everywhere else outside their echo chamber.”

—Rachel Maddow, 7/8/14

Rachel Maddow’s rant on July 8th was marvelous.  She covered how the right wing media convinced a huge faction of our society to question our real news and instead believe this new conservative brand of crapolla. She then ended the segment by explaining how this has a direct correlation to the sad, sad place our country now finds itself. For years, I have called this the story within the story of our time, but frankly Mr. Winslow that last frankly was from Rachel. Notice the quotes, sir! So, frankly, you can’t hold that one against me.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.