Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!

Mick Zano

What is wrong with Hollywood?! The off base depictions of Las Vegas after the blast is really starting to bother me, like diner food. Have you ever noticed that, post some catastrophe or another, Las Vegas instantly turns into the Sahara Desert? Sure there’s a Sahara Avenue but there is no way Vegas will become Lawrence of Arabia six months into some zombie apocalypse.

Sure, this is not a very typical Zano post, but I have to have some fun. Here’s an image from the movie Resident Evil: Retro-reflux or something and a 2nd image from the SyFy movie 10.5 Chocapocalypse…or something.

Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right?!

Look at that dune behind the Statue of Liberty? It reaches the eighth or ninth floor of CityCenter! Where is that sand coming from? At least in the bottom image the Luxor seems right in its element. And look at how white that sand is! I haven’t seen anything that looks like that since that time I partied with the former Mayor of Toronto over at Marion Barry’s place.

I live in the southwest, most of the Mohave and the Sonoran deserts simply don’t have many dunes. I’ve seen a few dunes in Death Valley, some sandy patches north of Vegas in the Valley of Fire, and there’s a fair amount a couple of states east in White Sands, NM (where the movie Them! was filmed). They also tested WWII nukes there, which is probably why they had a giant ant problem in the first place. In general, there’s dust and dirt across the southwest, not endless Sahara-style dunes waiting to take back our cities.

Enter exhibit one, the ghost town at Goldfield, NV.

Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right?!

I have been here. Many of these structures have stood abandoned for 70+ years and they don’t seem to be anywhere close to being swallowed up by sand. But here’s the Hollywood version.

Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right?!

THIS is what the desert surrounding Vegas looks like:

Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right?!

I know….because this is where I crawl away and pass out until “Vegas Great” Bald Tony decides to come and collect me. You missed three important hints Hollywood, The Sands, The Dunes and The Sahara are all closed!

Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right?!

Oh wait, I have a theory. Maybe the sand came from the volleyball court over at the Monte Carlo? Oh and, sorry, oh Great Bald One for that room damage at the Riviera. Wait….hmmm, there’s probably dozens of volleyball courts in Vegas and if they all to decide to work together…

Power Rangers unite, form of sand!

Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right?!

That is some sandy sarcasm for you, but if I see one more messed up version of the coming apocalypse I’m getting on my horse, riding over to Vegas and then I’m going to shout at the top of my lungs…

Damn you, you duned it up! Damn you all to hell!
Damn you, you duned it up! Damn you all to hell!
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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

  1 comment for “Dear Hollywood, Please Get Post-Apocalyptic Vegas Right!

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