Unmasking Those Burisma Bullshit Blues

Hey, gang, it’s not just Spygate that’s taking an invesitigatorial shit today, both Burisma and unmasking are also Benghaziing, as it were. Barr found no wrongdoing by Obama officials on unmasking, and per the latest Burisma report, courtesy of the republican senate, Hunter Biden’s appointment on the Ukrainian energy company during his father’s veep gig was “awkward” and “problematic,” yet it never influenced policy. Spygate didn’t net anything either, not in time to save Trump, so our republican friends went with their old standby, aka Make.Shit.Up. Actually, as it turns out, the Kremiln made this last shit up and the rightwing media just perpetuated more Russian propaganda. The latest garbage involves Brennan-gate, which is a lousy scandal even by the standard Pizza-gate rating system (PRS). For those still not following the main theme, during an opportunity to remove a dangerously incompetent president from office via the impeachment process, the republican side of congress chose instead to ask a bunch of fictional questions that Sean Hannity and QAnon came up with after sniffing the Sharpies Glenn Beck copped from the Oval Office.

These three nonscandals represent thousands of hours of Fox News cycles, time none of us are getting back.Here’s what I said when unmasking broke three years ago: “This may be tough for Republicans to digest, but Susan Rice’s actions will be found to be legal.”

Do you think Sean Hannity is apologizing tonight? As the chief subject of my zenwrongness theory, he will simply present the next fictional narrative. It’s what the rightwing media does, and with good reason; it works. Such Foxal matter has successfully fueled a political party for decades and will for decades to come. Kidding, we don’t have that long. And every day my friend and blogvesary also reinforces my zenwrongness theory by getting so caught up in the moment that yesterday’s endless failures elude him. Most recently he climbed on board the Brennan train, which amounted to some declassified notes from the former CIA Chief, John Brennan, suggesting Hillary invented the Trump/Russia scandal as to distract from her email scandal. Someone better tell all those indicted people that it was all a lie!

Since Spygate took a crap, on Q, I predicted the Trumpsters would still attempt to create some dubious link from the top of the intelligence community toward Obamaland. Or, me back in June:

“I predicted procedural errors would be found by Horowitz, and I predicted they would be prosecuted and politically weaponized post-Durham yet, try as Fox & Friends may, no tangible links will be bridged to Obama, Hillary or Biden.”

Enters Brennan-gate, a truly pathetic attempt to bridge that very gap. I expected better. These people are usually very good at lying, but this is a lackadaisical effort at best. If you’re bent on destroying the world, I demand a little more pizzaz, fellas. As it turns out the recent declassified Brennan scribblings in question were his reiteration of what the Russians were attempting to peddle. He was simply repeating the Kremlin’s pending pitch to inundate social media with yet another invented Hillary scandal. And per Mother Jones, Devin Nunes had this information for nearly four years and knew there was no Brennan wrongdoing, but that didn’t stop Fox & Comrades from trying to win another news cycle right before the election. Any attempt to spread our enemy’s propaganda.

Republicans or Russians, Zano?

Good question. Let me get back to you.

Per Mother Jones:

“Trump today is promoting four-year-old Russian speculation that may have been deliberate misinformation. And he is pretending it was US intelligence, not unidentified Russians, that said Clinton planned to play up Trump’s ties to Russia. In fact, Brennan says he was outlining US intelligence on what Russians were saying.”

Meanwhile here’s some Sypgate updates from NY Mag that, again, matches my ‘procedural error’ predictions:

“Barr has turned the Russia investigation upside-down by scrubbing every step for cut corners. They’ve found the equivalent of low-level staffers neglecting to put cover sheets on their TPS reports. But his narrative that the entire Russia investigation was a sinister coup attempt has fallen flat because it is utterly false.”

The Durham Report isn’t dead yet, because they intend to keep looking …for something …forever. I thought they would find at least a chunk of Foxal matter to tie in Biden, so that our illustrious AG would get his chance to release another spinopsis of sorts. Mueller Cliffnotes Part Deux? Trump has been itching to get Barr to release an investigatory teaser for the purpose of muddying the election, but I guess Bull Durham struck out.

Trump has so many cronies on his side, how is this the best they could do? Talk about underachieving. The president has the AG, ergo the DOJ, he is the executive branch, and now he has the head of the National Intelligence Agency, John Ratcliffe, in his crime syndicate pocket. Ratcliffe is even selectively declassifying information in an attempt to give the Sean Hannitys of the world more additional woodies, right before the erection! This is how they hatched the Brennan crapola in the first place.

In this environment how could all the president’s men fail? The Brennan thing fizzled out quickly as even Fox News doesn’t want to be Putin’s useful idiots, at least not full-time. Come on, guys, this all you got? Depressing.

But what about the nothing-burger of the Mueller report, Zano?

Glad you asked. We recently found out that Rosenstein stopped the collusion investigation dead in its tracks, early on. How did this happen? Now I figured this out when all but two of the forty-some-odd questions asked of the president pertained to obstruction. If you recall, I demanded to know what Mueller did and did not investigate. Why didn’t any of the Dems, including our chief prosecutor Kamala Harris, ask this of him? Why is a spoof news blogger smarter than our smartest? It’s sickening.

Here’s what I asked of Mueller right after the report was released:

“Your scope was limited, so what are the other key areas are still worthy to pursue? Or what did you investigate and what haven’t you?”

What did he hand off to other courts and what didn’t he bother to investigate? The world may never know. Meanwhile, Trump and Co. used Mueller as a get out of scandal-free card when in actuality Mueller never really got around to investigating anything. What were you doing for two years, dude? You do know that if you do that too much you can go blind, right? This is again a little banana republicy. We all waited for Mueller and he never looked into collusion/conspiracy, or whether or not the president was even compromised, or even any of his financial entanglements? What a waste of time …when we had so little left. Every day this madman is in offices is one too many. As it turns out the only one compromised was Mueller himself. Trump is crushing our democracy while Bob called a Muellerigan? What a Cheney.

Back to my first prediction from week one of Mueller time and, boy, it’s looking closer to the mark every flippin’ day:

  1. Obstruction = guilty
  2. Money Laundering and other white collar crimes = guilty (coming soon to a courtroom near you)
  3. Conspiracy/Collusion = I guess we never bothered to investigate this, but I never predicted it would reach conspiracy levels. I gave it 50-50 from the get-go.

Everything the other side says will prove to be garbage. Just set your watch. From collusion to full collapse, in just four years. They are fast, which I predicted for this administration. It’s a testament to republican propaganda that I am spending more of my own time rehashing this crap on the eve of our demise. Kudos to the Goebblinians! I’m with Herr! Did I already use that one?

You win, Pokey, and we all lose. I think we can conclude that when you want to throw someone in jail it’s because they are political opponents, but when I want to throw someone into jail it’s based on a quaint old notion called justice. And don’t get me started on justices…

Good night and good luck.


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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

  5 comments for “Unmasking Those Burisma Bullshit Blues

  1. Mick Zano
    October 16, 2020 at 2:11 AM

    I watched part of Hannity tonight just for fun, and, yes, it was not ‘sorry for the last twenty straight years of bullshit,’ it was Joe’s secret emails and is he compromised to China and should he step down. Thank you, Sean, for making us all that much dumber.

  2. Pokey McDores
    October 16, 2020 at 12:44 PM

    Burisma Bullshit? At least you’ve heard of Burisma. If more people knew the facts involved with Burisma, Trump would win the election easy.

    Every American should know that Hunter Biden received millions of foreign dollars from a corrupt and desperate nation in crisis, while Joe Biden had administrative authority over that nation’s future. Why doesn’t every American know this?

    In exchange for the millions of dollars, I can find no evidence that Hunter Biden provided any services other than the “peddling of influence.”

    For decades, lifelong politicians (Republicans as well as Democrat) have gotten rich on foreign money by selling “influence.” It’s not bullshit. It’s a scandalous crisis that threatens to destroy our national sovereignty. It is the media’s job to educate the American people about these matters, but of course the media is bought and sold also.

    Zano, your words have stopped making sense.

    The cause of your senselessness—in your pursuit of political partisanship, you have denounced the importance of “objective facts,” the relevance of situational context, the principled rule of law applying equally to all, the tool of logic (especially that pesky principle of non-contradiction), and the discipline of reason’s rule over emotion.

    It’s time to start over by first cleansing yourself of all assumptions and presumptions. Now pick any subject and look at the facts unfiltered by your bias.

    Now ask yourself some specific questions about the subject. For example:
    1) Based only on the known facts, did Clinton campaign pay for a foreign spy to go to Russia for the purpose of creating a media narrative of Trump Russia ties?
    2) Based on the known facts, was John Brennan aware that Clinton paid for a foreign spy to go to Russia for the purpose of tying Trump to Russia?
    3) is Brennan’s handwritten note legitimate (he never denied it)?
    4) Did Brennan inform President Obama that Clinton had paid for a foreign spy to go to Russia?
    5) Did Comey know that Clinton paid for a foreign spy to go to Russia to find (or make) ties between Trump and Russia.
    6) Did the ranking members of the FBI and CIA assist Clinton (by altering documents) in her creation of the Trump-Russia collusion media narrative?

    And the most important question—do you, Zano, really want to understand this issue beyond your partisan talking points?

    • Mick Zano
      October 16, 2020 at 1:12 PM

      You report QAnon, I answer to reality.

      • Pokey McDores
        October 16, 2020 at 2:30 PM

        Easy to say once you have been liberated from all standards of objective fact, evidence, reason, and rule of law equally applied to all.

        • Mick Zano
          October 18, 2020 at 9:48 PM

          My response turned into another whole article.

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