The Daily Discord’s Chief Executive Pierce Winslow is amidst a political firestorm that can only be described as a political firestorm. Winslow is adamantly denying any connection to the recent arrest of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald’s office is in possession of several phone conversations—one of which allegedly includes Mr. Winslow attempting to purchase Barak Obama’s vacated Senate seat. Whereas Mr. Winslow is clearly heard offering part of the Discord’s recent two billion dollar bailout fund for the Senate seat in question, the conversation is garbled by dingbats and expletives.
The key phrase investigators are focusing on what occurred on December 1st, when Winslow is heard shouting: “I want that &*^%ing Senate seat, dip &*^%, or I’ll come over their myself and stick a *@&^ #*&^% with forceps you *&^%$ %^& #*&*^9$& sick &*&^ with bacon bits. Winslow is also quoted as saying, “F*&* me, Blagojevich? F&*^ You, you &**^%$ &^*# Cornel Wilde *&^%ing *&^% *&^&!”
Head attorney at the Discord, Mr. G. Shaman believes the garbled nature of the message renders it “F&#@ing moot” and, furthermore, promises to clean his own system prior to the court proceedings.