Long-Term Cannabis Use Linked to Partying in Lab Rats

Long-Time Cannabis Use Linked to Partying in Lab Rats

State College, PA—In another complete waste of the tax payer’s dime, two Daily Discord contributors used stimulus funds to conduct research on as many young coeds as they could get their hands on.

“The research was not without its challenges,” admitted head researcher, Dave Atsals. “It’s getting harder to get women to let us into their dorm rooms, because we’re older and creepier now.”

Fellow researcher, Mick Zano, could not disagree more.  “We were always creepy, Dave.” 

The two conducted a study that suggests a robust and perky correlation between marijuana use and college shindiggery.  The journal article, entitled, Dorms, Bongs, and Misdemeanors: A Quaaludeatative Study on Wine, Women, and Weed, is due to post in Lancet, if Winslow can hack into their database when no one is looking. 

The study has survived the rigorous beer-review process and was passed around in a circle along with some choice hydroponic bud.

When asked why the two researchers chose young college women as their test subjects instead of lab rats, they both replied in unison, “You’re kidding, right?”

Actually, there was a long pause before their, back-of-the-throat type, gaspy answer.  The researchers both followed up the question with a long stream of greasy smoke and several STDs.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.