Pyrgos, GR—A disturbing discovery in a sea cave near the Grecian city of Pyrgos brings into question the entire life’s work of one, Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss. The ancient scrolls, discovered by archeologist Dr. Sterling Hogbein, suggest the children’s book author is a fraud.
“He’s a crook in my book, a scamazon in my Amazon, a swindle in my Kindle,” said Dr. Hogbein to reporters. “The real author of those childhood gems was, none other than, the head of the Greek pantheon, Zeus himself!”
Once cleared, the cave walls were found to be covered with numerous children’s stories, such as The Grinch who Stole My Lightening Bolt, Green Eggs and Ambrosia, and There’s a Cracken in My Shacken. In an adjacent cave, Dr. Hogbein deciphered: If I Ran Olympus, Horton Hears a Harpy, and one of Zeus’s personal favorites, Oh, the Places You’ll Go: When Hera Finds out About You, Mortal Bitch!
The final and perhaps most sinister tale is entitled: One Fish, Two Fish, Red fish… Fuck My Brother, Poseidon, and the Seahorse He Rode in on!
The sea cave is feared to be cursed as, later that night, several members of Hogbein’s expedition became ill during a local bar crawl. One member was unable to continue the excavation until the following day. And…well, that’s about it, but it’s still pretty suspicious.