Hooping for Homos: Don’t Ask, Don’t…Just Don’t Ask

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Flagstaff, AZ—Dozens of people came out to support the LGBTQ community in front of City Hall this Saturday in downtown Flagstaff.  Once there, I immediately asked what the acronym LGBTQ stood for, but, as it turns out, I had no pen, no pencil, no paper, and no ability to remember five words told to me in succession. 

When I got back home, I Googled this daunting acronym and the search revealed: Lyndon Baines Johnson (a man known for his support of social movements in his own right).  This former president’s name bore little resemblance, however, to what I was told at the event.  I did hear the word lesbian in there somewhere.  All men are trained to pick up on that word in what can only be described as a trivial, dead end piece of evolutionary sociology.  As I’ve said, I didn’t have a pen.  Initially, I didn’t even have a camera.  When I first drove by City Hall, dozens of people were all hooping away with bling, glitz, and chutzpah—not to mention chutzblitzpah. 

As I drove on by I thought, Wow, this is silly.  Then I realized, This is a story the people need to hear!  After completing my errand, I doubled-back for my camera.  I’m afraid I wasn’t prepared.  I rarely am.  This is why Winslow hates me…well, one of the reasons.  He will demand I go cover some story or another and invariably I’ll end up somewhere else, on the wrong day.  Granted a thorough search for Bigfoot in South Philly can be fun, but the end result rarely meets the level of journalistic integrity the Discord fans have come to expect. 

Back to Hoops for Homos: luckily, these last stragglers (above) agreed to let me take their picture.  A young lady named Sarah said the event’s purpose was to show support for the gay community, and the whole theme of the day can be summed up thusly, Hate is Bad—which may have been one of their signs as well (I’m not really sure, seeing as how I’m not horribly observant either).   Sarah and I discussed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the endless waffling of our fearless Senator, John McCain, as well as the rash of recent Bigfoot sightings in Phoenix.

She told me the organizer was a woman named Kayley Monster.  Hmmm.  At an awkward moment like this, I must now admit we occasionally make up joke names here at the Discord, but…ahhh, this is not one of those times.   Miss Monster, or Mrs. Monster, as the case may be, organized the event to raise awareness for the better treatment of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgender people in our society.  Armed with this new information, I took another wing at the all-important acronym:

Lesbians Go Biking To Quwait

Damn, if only Kuwait started with a Q.  I was so close.  When Kayley is not making up unusually large and difficult acronyms (ULADA), she is on a tireless effort to remove one or both of the Ys from her name.  Actually, I’m not really sure what her gig is, but her website is an interesting peruse over at circusBacchus.org.  There’s actually a Join the Circus Bacchus button on the page, which is the closest I’ve ever come to running off and joining the circus.  Can we get a Join the Circus button on our site, Winslow?  Come on…everyone’s getting them.  Sadly, I will have to end this powerful piece of commentary on a down note.  How can you call yourselves Circus Bacchus and not serve beer at any of your performances?  Nowhere did I see any beer related events on your site.  It’s like opening up a Chuck E. Cheese’s for the lactose intolerant.   I get it; maybe the party is always after the show—just for those in the in-crowd.  Well, this post oughtta get me invited…or banned.  I’m sure it’s one of the two.

I did email Kayley this week.  She seemed vaguely interested in my decision to cover the piece and then, promptly, didn’t get back to me.  This is vaguely reminiscent of my dating experiences.  Call me!

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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