London, GB—A number of British newspapers and tabloids trashed President Donald Trump’s recent visit with the Queen, particularly for his decision to plop down on Winston Churchill’s chair. The Mirror exclaimed, “How dare you!” Luckily for President Trump, he never really looks in The Mirror. Today there is a new development as the prized piece of furniture is now appearing on eBay. The Queen of England is refusing to comment on the decision, and no one in the royal family is explaining why they are suddenly willing to part with this historic piece of furniture for a mere £100.
There are also disturbing reports coming from Buckingham Palace. The Queen is allegedly wandering around the hallways all hours of the night quoting Shakespeare. Staffers have overheard her saying, “Out, damned spot!” and “To fumigate or not to fumigate that is the question!” The Queen later told a friend, “The whole place still feels orange to me. Not like the pleasant fruit smell, more like the vegetable who just stopped in for tea.”
In related news, The Queen is also downplaying the significance of ordering 12 extra cases of the popular spray-deodorizer Febreze.