The Discord Exclusive Sean Hannity/Mick Zano Interview!

Mick Zano

Mick Zano: Welcome, Sean.  Thank you for taking the time to talk with me today.  As most of you know, Sean Hannity is one of the biggest names on Fox News and, therefore, one of the biggest names on cable television.  You are, by far, the biggest interview I have ever landed in my quasi-journalistic life, so again, thanks.  May I kiss your rings?

Sean Hannity:  Small talk.  Blah, blah, blah [Mick’s request to kiss his rings, denied]

Mick Zano: As a self proclaimed patriotic American, will you apologize to the American people for playing such a key role in getting Bush re-elected—a man arguably the worst president in our nation’s history?

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point!  Blah, blah, blah.

Mick Zano:I will ‘get over it’, sir, if and when America rebounds.  Why stop blaming Bush, especially if we, as a country, never recover—which has been my position and my prediction all along?

Sean Hannity: Blah, blah, blah.

Mick Zano: Ahh, Obama’s spending…riiight.  What do you say then to the actual numbers that suggest over the last few decades republicans were deficit creators and pre-Obama democrats were actually deficit reducers?

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point.

Mick Zano: OK, Obama’s spending…what about the almost unanimous agreement within the economic community Obama’s deficit spending was a desperate reaction to avoid the Bush depression?

Sean Hannity: Blah, blah, blah. Fox News talking point.

Mick Zano: Actually the problem is too deep to be resolved by just spending cuts or just tax hikes.  Cutting things equitably and responsibly across the board and letting the Bush tax cuts expire for the rich could do the trick. 

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point [with added gesticulation].

Mick Zano: No, I don’t think a return to 90s level tax cuts should not scare anyone.  You need to come to terms with the facts.  Before Clinton, hell, even Reagan had to raise taxes.

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point!!!!!

Mick Zano: Do you need some water?  Look, no matter how many times you lie about this, sorry, he raised taxes.  Reaganomics didn’t even work for Reagan so how you deified this bozo is another interesting side show (or was it Bonzo?).   Look, let’s agree to disagree on this one. How about socialism?  How do you still say that word to your viewers with a straight face?

Sean Hannity:  ?????

Mick Zano: Well, you’ve made socialism the boogeyman for the ill-informed (aka your viewers) for quite some time.  We currently have wage-inequality in the U.S. on par with Mexico or Venezuela.  So today, right now, we have the complete opposite of socialism, so how do you convince essentially half of America Obama’s a full-fledged and successful socialist?  Boogey, boogey, boogey!

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point!  Blah, blah, blah!

Mick Zano: Let me address your second statement first, I call your viewers ill-informed primarily due to a decade of self observation.  It boils down to this, when questioned, it’s their almost single-minded Borg-like ability to spout only Fox News talking points I find most disturbing.  If that’s not enough, I could also cite the recent Maryland study that named Fox viewers as the most misinformed media faction in America.   As for your first point, I don’t think that statement has any bearing in the real world.  You are operating from a bubble of non-reality I like to call the Neococoon.  

Sean Hannity: Blah, blah, blah.

Mick Zano: True, MSNBC viewers were mentioned in the study as well and were a distant second on the misinformation scale.  I have been disappointed in MSNBC’s decision to follow your lead down this dark road—and I have covered this numerous times here at the Discord.  But let’s face it, they’re minor leaguers compared to Fox.

Let’s agree to disagree and move  Global warming…after listening to you over the years, I feel you have only a rudimentary understanding of Earth , at best.   Bottom line, why are all clean energy initiatives demonized by the Foxeteers?

Sean Hannity: Fox talking point.

Mick Zano: I would agree with that statement; there is much we still do not know about earth cycles, but why would you side with the minority of scientists on this issue?  Especially when the inhabitability of our world is potentially at stake?

Sean Hannity:  ?????

Mick Zano: Inhabitability, in this context, refers to the planet’s inability to sustain life.

Sean Hannity: Fox talking point!

Mick Zano: Again, that is not based on this reality, which brings up my next point.  How about the continued dumbing down of Republicans at a faster rate than any other faction?  For instance, how do you back a Bachmann candidacy with a straight face? Or now maybe even a Trump candidacy?

Sean Hannity: Blah, blah, blah.

Mick Zano: Well, it clearly ties into your mantra smart people are wrong about everything and dumb people are right about everything.  I see this as a ‘Bush wasn’t dumb enough, so let’s try this even bigger moron’ approach to fixing America, or, as I have referred to it, the ‘doubling down on stupid’ strategy.  Case in point, nearly half the country at one time supported a Palin candidacy. Isn’t this more of an indication of our failing educational system than anything else?

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point.

Mick Zano: You’re serious?  You think I have been duped by the mainstream media into thinking Palin and Bachmann are idiots?  So it’s not when, say, during some Hannity interview, they string words into what can loosely be described as complete sentences—it’s not that these interviews typically leave me scratching my head and/or nauseous…it has nothing to do with that?  You’re saying somehow these feelings are being projected upon me by MSNBC and the Huffington Post?  Hmmm.  Nope, I think they’re idiots.

Sean Hannity: Fox News talking point.

Mick Zano: You seem very sure of yourself lately. There’s a gleam in your eye as we approach the coming collapse.  So you had no warning for us as we drove this country into a brick wall and now, post the collapse, you are gloating as Obama, an American president, struggles to right this country.  Is that really patriotism?  How do you look at yourself as anything but a shortsighted partisan hack?

Sean Hannity: Empty patriotic nonsense followed by a Fox News talking point medley [oh, and lots of these: !!!!!]

Mick Zano: I don’t see how you feel vindicated just because the new guy hasn’t been able to clean up after your guy.  I guess what I’m saying is, that hardly sounds like a clarion call for all fiscal conservatives to rally around.

Sean Hannity:  ?????

Mick Zano: In this context, clarion call means… never mind.  Look, I believe today’s republicans (and I do distinguish them from the party of twenty years ago—when they had valid points that related to the real world)…again, today’s republicans can now be broken down into three major categories: 1.) those who are greedy, intentionally misinforming America for what they see as potential economic gain, 2.) those who are not horribly bright and have fallen prey to the endless propaganda on Fox News, and 3.) those hiding until a party emerges that does not embarrass the shit out of them.

You, Mr. Hannity, obviously do not reside in category 3.) so, bottom line, are you greedy or are you stupid?

[disruption, some yelling]

Mick Zano: Would you still consider me for your Great American Panel!  I used to be a Long Islander too! Please…can I kiss your rings! 

Apparently this interview is over.  We learned a lot today from Mr. Hannity and the inner workings of what can loosely be described as his “mind.”   Stay tuned next week when I interview Professor Stephen Hawking on that illusive stuff known as dark matter…er, but without the aid of his voice synthesizer.   It was apparently sucked into an inter-dimensional rift during one of his last experiments.   We’ll muddle through, so until next time.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.