Dear Ghetto Shaman,

Do you have any advice for the newlyweds, William and Kate?

Sincerely,

Charles & Camilla

Dear royal peeps,

I’m really beginning to question the authenticity of some of these emails…like the last one, Vern from Vernon?  BWTF?  That’s, of course, a shamanic phrase meaning Bustie White Titty Fuckers, which is Persian for…fine, I’ll bite. 

You should have eloped!  Sure you got some tourism benefits, but jolly old England aint so f-ing jolly anymore.   Save your cash, start pinching some pounds.   Wait, that didn’t work. 

The Ghetto Shaman

P.S. Oh, and tell Kate about my next Rieki Robotripping Retreat. Don’t worry, she’ll get the royal treatment.