Washington—Congressman Adam Schiff of the House Intelligence Committee is in hot water today after soap and hot water could not completely undo his recent permanent-marker handiwork. The rogue congressman allegedly leaked the Democratic rebuttal to the controversial Nunes-memo, in its entirety, in bathroom-graffiti form. President Trump, who recently vetoed the release of the memo, is reportedly furious with Schiff’s antics and vows to enact swift justice in the form of a barrage of admonishing presidential tweets #ForGetTheMemo.
Representative Adam Schiff (D) said, “Just because I was seen leaving the bathroom, holding a Sharpie, moments after the incident in question, and just because the memo is accurate and handwriting experts have verified that it’s my signature, this remains a ‘he said, wall said’ situation. Besides, I only use the family restroom on Capitol Hill, because there’s a proper memo changing station in there. Fine, I did it! So what?! I was taking a leak yesterday and then it hit me, hmmm…”
Congressman Devin Nunes (R) countered, “My memo has profound implications for the Russia-probe, they’re just not initially obvious, but the lib letter deserves to be scrawled on a restroom wall. Meanwhile, try rereading my memo high. That’s kind of how we intended it to be enjoyed. If you look at mine closely, there’s an orange smudge in the corner. Conspiracy types might say that that proves Trump helped concoct the thing, but really our munchy session that day just ended with a Cheetos run.”
President Trump commented, “I have not actually seen the Demmo. My tutor and transgendlator is only available on Tuesdays. Hey, notice my betterer tweets on Tuesdays! #NakedTransTutors.com.”