Scientists Discover then Ostracize “God Particle”

Scientists Discover then Ostracize "God Particle"

Geneva, CH—At the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the largest particle accelerator in the world, scientists have finally discovered the elusive ‘God Particle.’ The particle, known also as the Higgs-Boson, was cornered by the collider’s ATLAS Detector and then relentlessly taunted by scientists for several hours. Finally succumbing to the incessant verbal assault, the particle eventually winked out of existence entirely to the backdrop of cheering physicists.

“We think it’s fitting that a piece of engineering named after a pagan Titan finally nabbed the bastard,” said one scientist, referring to the facility’s ATLAS detector. “God had it coming after setting back this planet countless centuries with his God-awful teachings, pardon the pun.”

“We gave him a Richard Dawkins-style welcome,” said Dr. Adam Smascheer of the cryogenic’s department. “We had thought about dropping Darwin’s Origin of the Species on the damned thing from a ladder, but we don’t want to stoop to his level. There’s also a lot of OSHA paperwork involved in climbing ladders these days.”

God, believed to have winked out existence for good, was unavailable for commandment…er, comment.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.