After Barrage Of ‘Once In A Century’ Weather Events, Experts Predict Calm For Next Century

EarthDespite the higher number of extreme meteorological events in the early 21st century, the Meteorological Endeavor Statistical Society (MESS) has forecasted an unprecedented period of normal temperatures and glorious beach weather. If climate change is a hoax than at least one group of experts is forecasting many decades of a high-pressure system that will envelop the whole planet for a long time. This extended dry spell should balance out existing weather-induced model-patterns (WIMPs). Storm Dank of AchooWeather said, “It’s actually only 99 years of great weather, so if you’re born today you might want to plan your 100th birthday indoors somewhere.”

The Trump Administration is calling this “good news” and the president tweeted:

Mr. Dank of AchooWeather told the Discord, “There’s a 1% chance in any given year that a ‘once in a century event’ will occur somewhere, so this is a greatly misunderstood statistic. And I’m not the best meteorologist for the job, heck, I kept waiting for the class when we’d discuss meteors, but I can say there’s been one hell of an uptick in extremeness, both for our weather and our politics. For example, Trump, who we meteorologists refer to as a topical depression, is a once in an eon event (see: Caligula). Still, if you add things up, which is what we do here at AchooWeather, the math suggests, well, if there’s no climate problem we expect some amazing weather for about a hundred years or so, or maybe beers …it could be a typo. Think of it like eating your peas first and getting all the shitty stuff out of the way, so the rest of the century is smooth sailing. Unless you like peas, or you own a sailboat, and then I would just sell that shit and eat your peas. Yeah, we’re funded by Russia, through Trump, via Zuckerberg. The usual.”



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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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