What?! We waited this time?!
Mick Zano
Mick Zano
Clinton Begs To Be Indicted Rather Than Face Dozens Of Server Hearings
by Mick Zano •
Dr. Zano here predicted Hillary would not be indicted, but only because 9 out of 10 attorneys and legal experts were saying an indictment was “highly unlikely.” Of course, Fox News has that one guy who thought otherwise on speed dial. By the way, this is a rebuttal to Pokey’s last feature, here. Was justice served? No idea, but I will say this: it was not the best of outcomes. The decision did not pave the way for a Sanders/Warren ticket, but it was damaging enough to make a President Trump all the more likely (gulp). I personally hate the Benghazi/email-server witch hunts, but only because I keep having to come up with different jokes to make the same miserable points. Flashback fav!
“If Benghazi was the real 9/11, then The Rutles started the British Invasion.”
Not Again! Bill Clinton Follows Attorney General Into Ladies’ Room At Harrah’s
by Mick Zano •
Las Vegas, NV—Former President Bill Clinton is back in the news today after tracking down Attorney General Loretta Lynn at Harrah’s Casino in Vegas. According to witnesses, Lynch tried to duck away by entering the restroom, but Mr. Clinton followed her right in. Both are denying any wrongdoing. According to Lynch, Bill Clinton never mentioned his wife’s investigation, but rather the two talked about the smell, how they both prefer the Fremont area of Vegas, and the disturbing lack of urinals.
Harbingers of Dumb? More Signs This 240 Year Experiment In Democracy Is Winding Down
by Mick Zano •
I’m kidding! The GOP has been a big pile of shit for a long time. It just keeps getting deeper, is all. Searching for the last sane Republican is tough, like finding Bigfoot on Mars tough. I’ve always referred to the last few sane conservatives with an almost cryptozoological fondness. I’m talking about people like David Frum (an old Bush speech writer), Andrew Sullivan (blogger extraordinaire) and the grandpa of the party, George Will. Where are they now, you ask? Well, Frum is still fighting the good fight over at the Beast, but even he admits his party broke from reality long ago, here. Andrew Sullivan nearly went mad trying to reform the GOP and finally stopped Dishing it out all together. And, last week, George Will announced he switched from Republican to unaffiliated. This means he may well struggle now when choosing an appropriate public restroom. Upon Will’s departure Trump immediately Tweetomized him here. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about The GOP, but there are signs all across the globe the scheiss is about to hit the lufter.
Markets Tank After Latest EU Conference “Catered” By Dunkin Donuts
by Mick Zano •
Brussels, BE—If the German Prime Minister, Angela Merkel, was trying to portray a strong and resolute European Union today, she did nothing of the sort. She arrived at the latest EU conference to discuss the details of The United Kingdom’s withdrawal carrying three boxes of Dunkin Donuts. Sweden, Finland, and Spain did not even get one as Merkel apparently did not “bring enough for everybody.”
In Uncharacteristic Move Dalai Lama Slaps Lady Gaga Across The Face
by Mick Zano •
“I’m changing the main tenant of Buddhism from Harm None, to Harm One, which is still relatively pacifistic.”
—Dalai Lama
9th Benghazi Committee Concludes It Would Have Been Cheaper To Make Smoking Gun Out Of Diamonds
by Mick Zano •
First Clinton/Trump Debate To Take Place In Dante’s Fourth Circle Of Hell
by Mick Zano •
The Fourth Circle of Hell—Many are questioning the devil’s decision to host the first presidential debate. What’s even more disturbing for some is Lucifer’s choice to hold the event in the fourth circle. Dante’s Hell has a total of nine circles, and four bathrooms, but recent national polling indicates the majority of Americans feel the debate should be held in a much lower circle.
ISIS Claims Responsibility For Smell At Maloney’s!
by Mick Zano •
Flagstaff, AZ—Maloney’s Pub, located in historic downtown Flagstaff, has been a local favorite for many NAU college students unfamiliar with the taste of good beer. The origins of the smell—which patrons describe as a stale uriney, frat-style vomit—remained a mystery, until now…
