“I am the doom that came to the doom that came to Sarnath.” —Alex Bone
Flagstaff, AZ—The Arizona Department of Transportation announced the fact they are completely out of orange cones, orange barrels and detour signs. Apparently, Walmart is even out of orange spray paint as well. They would like to order more, but there is fear the department’s own workers would become unable to make it to the various construction sites dotting the surrounding downtown area.
Tweet Tower—Against the advice of all of his advisors, President Trump has booked Justin Timberlake for a gala next January at Mar-a-Lago to celebrate his own administration’s halftime show. The move has drawn tripartisan criticism, which is a first, and even the stoically silent special investigator, Bob Mueller, has broken his silence and suggested the president go with Rihanna.