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Why Are Republicans So Angry? Ignorance Is Supposed To Be Bliss

dunceGOPMLEarly in the 21st century, Republicans decided to untether themselves from reality, or more accurately, someone decide for them. Fox = news and morality = pews so no critical thinking necessary. How do they continue to gain seats with this record? Amidst the Age of Information, how have they dragged such a large faction of our country into delusion? Bill Maher recently asked, “did this crazy base always exist or have their numbers swelled through Fixed News and the like?” I think it’s a little of both. We all know someone who still says: had we only used bigger bombs in ‘Nam, or if we’d only kept those “gains” from The Surge in Iraq, or if we’d only ignored Watergate and left Nixon alone …so he could focus on Benghazi.

Herr Trump: The Democratic Anti-Candidate

HerrTrumpPhiladelphia, PAWhen I post stuff I usually just make fun of stupid people, like Zano. But here’s a unique opportunity to get all political and make fun of stupid people in one post. In case you‘ve been living on Mars, Donald Trump is leading the GOP polls by a near-record margin. The man is obviously pandering. I’m talking about Trump, not Zano…this time. He will say anything and everything just to appeal to “real Americans”. What kills me is that so many people actually believe him. Notice how he always speaks in generalities? “Oh, you don’t want to know what I would do to the terrorists.” Really? I think I do. That’s why I asked the question. Come on Don, what are ya gonna do? Are you going to shift to the middle?

Cheney’s New Statue At Emancipation Hall Already Toppled

EmancipationCheney

WashingtonOn December 3rd a marble statue in Dick Cheney’s likeness was unveiled in Emancipation Hall. The ceremony was a small affair, for obvious reasons, as only a small fraction of our society can be around Cheney without projectile vomiting. Four days after the prestigious unveiling a group of vandals, calling for regiment change, broke into the hall and tore the monstrosity down. Many are left asking, “Why the hell did it take this long?!”

Carter Uses Last Executive Order To Veto Cancer

AAg4WjNPlains, GAFormer President Jimmy Carter was recently diagnosed with a malignant melanoma. Many on the right have therefore concluded he was a goner and called him such names as, “The Neville Chamberlain of Malignancy” and “Weak on Cancer.” The 91-year old has proved them all wrong again as his last test indicates he is now totally free from the disease. Carter explained the details of his political move to the press: “We all get one last executive order on the way out the door. Bush Jr. used his to avoid being tried as a war criminal, Clinton used his on the other intern incident, and Nixon used his on a cloak of invisibility. You got to hand it to Tricky Dick. I guess he wanted an encore to that 18-minutes of lost tape.”