Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Desperate for Experience Points, Dems Opt for Controversial Mind-Meld

The mind meld is a potentially dangerous procedure first used by a race known as Vulcans. According to Wikipedia, the most trusted name in collaborative wisdom, Vulcans can perform mind melds with Humans. Dems fear some of Biden’s traits could bleed through. This fear was only heightened when, immediately after the procedure, Obama answered the question, “How do you feel?” with a forty-seven minute litany on feelings.

The Rock Gods Fatal Flaws

  1. The Beatles (went to extremes to impress Jodie Foster)
  2. Led Zeppelin (shocked by death of drummer—didn’t they watch Spinal Tap?)
  3. The Rolling Stones (hired zombie/pirate to play lead guitar)
  4. The Who  (too many summers at Uncle Ernie’s for Pete’s sake)
  5. Aerosmith (Run DMC?!  Couldn’t you just have given head for drug $ like everybody else?)
  6. Jethro Tull (tights?  Oh, there’s a Minstrel in the Gallery, all right, and he looks fabulous)
  7. Rush (named band after fat, cigar-smoking, Oxycotin-popping neocon)
  8. Ozzy Osbourne (chose singing duet with Lita Ford rather than actually committing suicide)
  9. Black Sabbath (lengthy rounds of therapy after the Lita Ford Incident LFI)
  10. STYX (ever thinking they’d be listed in a top ten ‘rock gods list’ in the first place)

The Discord to Lay Off Seventeen Editers

The Discord will forge ahead despite the unexpected lie off of seven of our valued employeees. Having boundless talent, we have, reached the conclusion that we—as a staff) can funktion without the aid of our worthy colleageus, and, to, further prove our grammatorial prowess;: we have even shut off our grammer chex, as well as our spell check options on our personal PCs. We will miss you editers…not so much..

Top Ten Worst Documentaries Of All Time

  1. Southwest Airline’s Great Baggage Screening Outtakes Reel
  2. Going Up? The Musak Story
  3. The Accidental Martyr (starring Abdul “I strapped on what?” Rahman)
  4. Interview With the Narcolept
  5. Finland: Frozen Shitcicle of Europe
  6. Ventriloquism for Dummies
  7. The Unedited Joe Biden Story (87 min intro by Bill Clinton)
  8. The Making of the Making of: My Big Day at the DMV (director’s cut)
  9. Family Trips on a Dollar’s worth of Gas (5 minutes of fun in the SUV)
  10. Raising Camel Spiders as Pets (spider holes can conceal your most precious belongings)

Worst Rock Solo Careers of All Time

  1. David Lee Roth (Hello Yankee Rose—Goodbye Diamond Dave!)
  2. Art Garfunkle (Hello silence my old friend)
  3. Oats of Hall & Oats: (The Just Oats Tour)
  4. Roger Daltry (Who?)
  5. Syd Barret (He’s dead now, so we can start the healing process)
  6. Glenn Frey of the Eagles (and as for you, Don, it’s always been about Joe. But good luck with that rainforest thing)
  7. We may be going out on a limb here, but Jimi Hendrix was nothing w/o The Experience
  8. Animal from the Muppets (pre rehab)
  9. Vince Neil of Motley Crue (although he did have a single on the Encino Man soundtrack)
  10. Did we mention the Just Oats Tour?

OK, OK, we made up the Oats one, but it’s plausible.

Cloning of Japanese Chia Pet Condemned as ‘Abomination’ by local Sea Monkeys

It’s been a long week and I still haven’t gotten to the bank or post office, so could you please use your imagination a little bit? Humor me. Think about how oriental Chia Pets would react to the unethical cloning of those freaky childhood monkey-brine thingies from our childhoods.  I wanted a decoder ring.  They sounded cool.  Sea monkeys were OK, I suppose, but there was nothing really monkey-like about them.