Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Attempt to Fly Texas Panhandle to Gulf Deemed ‘Abysmal Failure’

If it truly is all about location, location, location, then the desolate Texas panhandle is fated to remain the barren wasteland that it is today. Gulf front property is allegedly the real inspiration behind the multitudes of ‘wind generators’ dotting the northern Texas landscape.

“We’re sick of being permanently wedged between the suckier parts of Oklahoma and the suckier parts of Texas,” states project manager Biff Ayers.  “Why should gulf towns have all the fun?”  Ayers is not discouraged by the fact that the 26,000 square-mile landmass has not moved an inch since the onset of the covert operation: Project Institute Mobilization of Panhandle (PIMP).

“In retrospect positioning the fans to face north would have helped,” admits Ayers.  “It’s just as easy to get these things right, you know.”  The Daily Discord is astounded by the naivety of this ill-fated endeavor, and our own CEO Pierce Winslow believes it would take “easily twice as many fans” to get this plan off the ground.

Recent Bombings Decimate Gaza’s Tourism

Of the ten tourists who visited Palestine last year, one has vowed never to return.

“I’m going to fucking Darfur,” says Bernie Snedgrass of Haymarket, VA. After the recent Israeli bombings, Snedgrass changed his flight plan from Gaza to Darfur and told Discord reporters. “I would rather take in historic bullet-riddled Africa.” Snedgrass also hopes to find some real Somalian pirates as well as Obama’s real birth certificate.

“The ‘Atrocities in Ten Cities’ candlelight tour is supposed to be must see genocide,” continues Snedgrass. “Besides, everyone knows that North Africa is the new Palestine.”

Top Ten Fictitious Drinks and Places to Enjoy Them

  1. The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster – The Restaurant and the End of the Universe
  2. Fudd– The Beer & Brawl, Spittle County
  3. Moloko– Korovs Milk Bar (for all your ultra-violence needs)
  4. Electrick Floorbanger – The Mended Drum, Ankh Morpork, Discworld
  5. The Flaming Homer – Moe’s Tavern, Springfield, ??
  6. The Flaming Gargantua – Patrick’s Pub, Ringwood, NJ (NJ should be fictional)
  7. The Vulcan Mind Probe – Fred’s living room (definitely fictional)
  8. Slurm – anyplace in the future
  9. Romulan Ale – Ten Forward, Deck 10 (not quite legal this side of the Neutral Zone)
  10. The Get the Fuck Out of My Way – Valley Stream, LI, Wal-mart Snackbar (best enjoyed around the holidays).  OK, we made up this last one.

Ozzy Sues Sabbath Tribute Band for Plagiarism

“Those are my god damn f^&#ing mother f*$%ing words!” screamed Ozzy Osbourne after The War Pigs—a Black Sabbath Tribute band—completed their first set at The Zone last Friday night in a lower Manhattan bar.  As the lead singer attempted to explain that The War Pigs are a tribute-band, a major brawl ensued.  Ultimately Ozzy was ejected from the establishment along with several of is pharmacists.  Mr. Osbourne immediately filed a plagiarism lawsuit against The War Pigs and vows not to “bite the head off of anything” until this situation is resolved to his satisfaction.