My movement shall begin humbly enough, but like that moth that beats its wings in China, it will eventually cause a tsunami of public discontent…you know, like in college.  It all began outside of Maloney’s Irish Pub, just before happy hour, when the appetizers are half-priced, the way God intended.  I was thinking about my disgust for Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann and, yes, my growing disdain for the Zamboni Gypsies.  OK, OK, I was a little early for happy hour.  Some people hit the bathroom for the interim, while others decide to change the very course of history.  So I walked outside to protest something.  This time I wasn’t protesting Maloney’s dollar off all domestic beer policy (they don’t count microbrews, which are domestic, but apparently not domestic enough).  I understand the implications…real Americans don’t drink microbrews.  It’s a metaphor for the way I feel.  Sure I’m brewed a little better and have great taste, but the real Americans next to me are drinking Lite beer from Miller and talking about jerky.  Ahhh, real Americans. This time, I was there to protest the media and to protest all protests.  Just as long as I was back in my bar stool in about twenty minutes.

The media started down the dark side when Rupert Murdoch over at Fox said, there’s a liberal media bias, so I will single handedly balance things out, because balance is good, right?  Pre-Fox you had to think about who was or was not liberal.  They were journalists back then (some liberal bias from a level of consciousness perspective is unavoidable). The reality remains, most educated people are going to have some liberal tendencies (but don’t worry, they have a cream for that now).  In recent years, MSNBC has decided to be Fox on the left to, you know, single handedly balance out Fox, and the result is the abysmal failure of cable news.  Bread and circuses, Nero fiddling, fat lady’s singing, dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria.

Bush wanted to sink to Al Qaeda’s level, MSNBC wanted to sink to Fox’s level, whatever happened to upward mobility, people?

We’ve reached a point in American history where the best news comes from Maher, Stewart and Colbert.  If journalism is topped by standup comedians, it’s time to go to plan B peeps, which for most involves APEX Technical School.  I could have had my tool box, like ten times by now.

Karl Rove polarized this country in 2004 for political gains, but even he never grasped the full implications of his propensity for evil.  Meanwhile, Glenn Beck sobs on about The 9/12 project, and, a somewhat scary admission, I understand his sentiment.  On 9/12 we were united.   I predicted, back then, that 9/12 would be the last time we ever really find ourselves all on the same page. When Bush’s ‘leadership’ skills became apparent, I knew we would fragment like a glass Chia Pet dropped from the top of Rush Limbaugh’s ego.  I think a second major terrorist attack would result in Marshall Law and further fragmentation, like ahhh, ahhhh…just read the Chia Pet reference again.  This might not happen, but only because Al Qaeda is saying, “Sheeeet man, they’re imploding faster than those towers we knocked down.”  Sorry.  In my limited accent world, Al Qaeda is filled with evil Rastafarians. I also predicted the crowning of King Obama and how, sadly, it would be a short lived feel good moment, quite possibly the last for a long, long time. 

Oh, you’re just a pessimist Zano. 

Well hypothetical devil’s advocate person, I am only pessimistic about the nation’s future; I’m personally doing fine with zero stress, zero money in the bank, and zero expectations for our country’s future.  I am in an almost zen-like state of detachment, although admittedly it could be caffeine high; the espresso roasts out here are unbelievable! 

My only rants come in the form of Discord articles where I wrestle with the remnants of my shadow self and, of course, quell my urge to strangle young women.  I am modeling my life, loosely, off of Pokey McDooris, who, when civilization finally collapses, someone is going to have to find and explain this fact to him.  I predict on the big day of our collective demise, Pokey may or may not shrug and will probably go drinking.  Likewise, I have enough interests to keep me busy, regardless of the fate of nations.  I am prepared to even drink domestic beer and, if need be, jerky some woodland creatures for sustenance.  But that does not mean that I have ever rooted against the U.S. as many Foxers would attest, for they would call anyone anti-American who doesn’t buy into their abysmally low version of group stink. 

The media has tanked and what is the solution, you ask?  I think blogs may have their place in our future. I really respect a few blogger’s opinions and turn to them for solace in the world of otherwise ideologically driven newspapers and cable new shows.   I think a Discord Nation has a place in the future.  I nominate Dave and Pokey to lead our new movement.  The day of his inauguration, Pokey may or may not shrug and will probably go drinking. 

The Texas Governor is talking about secession…now?  I don’t have a problem with that….  People from Texas should be sobbing in shame for a decade or two, but no, they would rather start bitching the loudest.   Waaaa, the county sucks, waaaa.  It’s your fault, so shut up and sit down.

Meanwhile, MSNBC is making fun of the Tea Partiers, making fun of them!  They are calling them teabaggers, which my meth-snorting male prostitute tells me is needlessly suggestive.  During the Bush fears, Keith Olbermann pointed out that if Habeas Corpus is permanently suspended, it’s time to storm the Bastille, but now, now that a Dem is in power, everything is immediately hunky friggin’ dory?  Obama hasn’t restored anything!  Which, er, I predicted.  I did hope Obama had some integral traits, but I knew some of it was just wishful thinking, and I never thought he would fix our economy.

And now a Special Comment for Mr. Olbermann:

Sir, you have pointed out, and rightly so, that the government is a farce, and now we’re supposed to believe everything is fixed because your guy is in power?  The constitution is still listing to port, sir.  Obama is proposing the biggest bailouts in history, he’s raising our taxes, and he can’t appoint anyone to his cabinet who even pays their own taxes.  How dare you make fun of people savvy enough to realize our government is a joke, regardless of the current brand in office?

Not to be outdone, Fox News is whipping the Tea People into a frenzy.   They are actually trying to lead the movement by saying, “We made this.”  How dare you assholes highjack what was initially a legitimate libertarian cause.  These people hatched under Bush’s tyrannical reign while you idiots were still cheering him on.  They have less to do with you than the Obama peeps, morons.  Have some self dignity and apologies for your part in our demise and start working toward that tool box thing. 

How do we fix the media, you ask?  Some say, shut them down, unplug Fox News, or, on the other side of the aisle, how about that Fairness Doctrine? 

Hint: all legislation since W. is named to hide the truth. Examples: Coalition of the Willing (Coerced), Patriot Act (Unpatriotic) and Fairness Doctrine (not fair).  No, we must remember our first amendment rights. The right to clasp your hands tightly around their struggling young thro….sorry, miles away.   No. The only way to win is to stop watching.  I am taking my 42 inch Phillips flat screen and hurling it down onto the angry mob below.  We need to shut them all off and find alternative news sources, like the Daily Discord. OK, maybe not that alternative.  Here is today’s viewer stats, courtesy of the Drudge report:

Fox NEWS O'REILLY 3,897,000

Fox NEWS HANNITY 3,138,000

Fox NEWS GRETA 2,639,000

Fox NEWS BECK 2,233,000

Fox NEWS SHEP 1,979,000

Fox NEWS BAIER 1,866,000

CNN COOPER 1,277,000

CNN KING 1,260,000

MSNBC OLBERMANN 1,229,000

CNNHN GRACE 1,172,000

MSNBC MADDOW 1,052,000

Kind of daunting, isn’t it?  I want these numbers to be zero. Well, one…I have to watch sometimes…you know, for negative inspiration.  Come on…it’s a legitimate request.  Do as I say, not as I view.

Some people see ideology, I see colors.  Where are the integral voices?  We need some guidance more than ever.  When is Wilber’s Integral Politics book coming out? And who is going to explain it to me?  Ken will stay out of the actual debate, because he’s so far above this shit if he dropped a glass Chia Pet it would take three days and nights before it hit the top Rush Limbaugh’s ego.    

During my short and silent protest, I saw a Dodge Caravan with a bumper sticker that read, “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.” It had a picture of Bob Marley on one side and a big fat doobie on the other. Serious synchronicity! And, I thought to myself that’s IT That is it in a nutshell…I could really go for a big fat doobie right about now.  Or is this just more subliminal messages from the evil Rastafarians?

I am starting my own protest of one.  I am protesting against all of you.  I know I should be trying to Sarcastically Salve Society, but let me have my Crank moment.  All right, in the spirit of community I will only have one short questionnaire before you can join the Zano Youth Movement (ZYM). 

Do you think Bush and Cheney did a great job?

Do you believe Obama’s bailouts will work?

Do you believe the media is doing a good job?

If you answered a resounding ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you’re in the wrong movement, folks.

I am making my stand alone, now, today, once more outside of Maloney’s Irish Pub with a sign that reads: Microbrews ARE Domestic Beers! Bitches. 

So who’s with me for this alone stance revolution thingie?   Twenty minutes is up…time for those half-priced Quesadillas.

Sorry kids, like it or not we’re heading smack-dab into what an old Chinese proverb describes as “interesting times.”  These special periods of human existence are chock-full of upheavals and heaping piles of uncertainty for the whole dysfunctional family.  What is coming, you ask?  What is this disturbance in the force that we all seem to sense? (Well, most of us seem to sense…)  I’ll say one thing: Never before has so much angst spilled into my therapy sessions.  Recently the public’s fears seem to have collectively multiplied, like a Tribble on Enzyte. 

In my 20 years of social service work, I’ve come face-to-face with an endless parade of paranoid schizophrenics, schizotypal conspiracy theorists, and armies of anti-social fringe monkeys (ASFM).  No longer do these people come to my office covered in aluminum foil (to keep the CIA from recording their thoughts); nor are they riddled with needle marks and imaginary bugs.  They don’t even arrive on copious amounts of Thorazine.  These folks are “normal,” middle-class, baseball-playing, apple-pie-cramming U.S. citizens.  They are scared shitless about this brave new world in which they now find themselves, but not as heavy on the Axis 1 or 2 as one would expect (if you follow).

Some of my clients think dried beans and purified water are the way to go, while others want to run from our congested, smog-filled, crime-ridden cities to the more rustic, drug-filled, welfare-ridden countryside.  Others are seeking sturdy wells, sturdy bunkers, or sturdy women (for their undisclosed locations, of course).

Everyone is trying to build a cocoon for the long winter, which, if Al Gore has anything to say about it, will last around 100,000 years. Some feel 9/11 was an inside job. Sorry, but Mr. Bush isn’t that industrious.  I always had him pegged as more of a fertilizer-filled-pickup-truck kind of guy.  Other Americans, like Citizen Pokey, are babbling endlessly about how the “Shit Goblins must die!” 

The super-volcano under Yellowstone is rumbling, there’s and endless “War on Error,” and don’t forget UFOs, climate change, magnetic pole reversals, the Rapture, Mayan Gods, pollution, hormonal imbalances, sterilization, chem trails, and a host of other nefarious government goodies. Place these in a tall glass, shake, stir, and lightly dust with coconut, and you’ve got yourself some pretty neurotic folks poking about Gotham.  Heck, the Joker OD’d and even Batman is punching random people in the face these days.  Fear-mongering doesn’t seem to be the route to go with a civilization already on the brink. (Thanks a bunch, Karl. Well, it did win you the 2004 election. Oh, yeah, thanks for that, too, asshole!)

People all over the country are fraught with insidious conspiracies. Most of these fears blossomed, like Turd Blossom, over the last eight ghastly years.  And who the hell are all these Illuminati people? And where did they come from? Are there phone booths that you walk into and “they” get to you?  These people are not just on the therapy couch or in the treatment center anymore, but in our coffee shops, shopping malls, and bars.  Like minutemen, they are always ready to spew their deep-seeded rabblerousing rhetoric.  It’s worse than the goddamn Jehovah’s Witnesses.

A client of mine started a conversation with me in rural Pennsylvania, and it was finished a year later in a coffee shop in the high desert of Arizona with someone else.  It always involves the Council on Foreign Relations, the North American Treaty Alliance, the Rothschild family, a bill called the S2433, and the top-secret existence of cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers (CHUDs).  You may know them better as politicians (PUDs).

Where do all of these crazy theories being bandied about come from? You know, like the Rosicrucians, the Theosophical Society, and the Rieki Midgetonians. (I really need to stop hanging out with the Ghetto Shaman.) And, perhaps most importantly, who are the Shit Goblins? And why must they die? How do these esoteric philosophies fit into today’s alternative subcultures? The Theosophical Society, though clearly mired in some occultish kookiness, did champion an “evolution of consciousness” that eventually led to Transpersonal thought and, ultimately, the Discordians. The Shit Goblins Must Die, Dammit!

The Knights Templar have charged the imagination and spawned Dan Brown’s happy little yarns. Even the Vatican itself is steeped in mystery.  My favorite book on the subject is Tom Robbins’ Another Roadside Attraction. Speaking of which, if God is omnipotent, why the hell did he pick Pope Benedict the whatsas? Perhaps if the Catholic God is downgraded to “almost omnipotent,” he could salvage a following.

Fear of the Freemasons seems to have sparked these Illuminatians. Illuminatus, like Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, is a work of fiction, but Illuminatus was written about 30 years ago and is loosely based on some brief goings-on in eighteenth century Germany. People have a short memory, so I guess in about 30 years from now, the Knights Templar really will be guarding the offspring of Christ; and, at 70 years old, I will be explaining to some coffee shop Brownian that The Da Vinci Code was actually a movie and that the albino monk is not really trying to kill Tom Hanks. I can’t wait.

Scientologists are also common these days. They believe in Xenu and the Galactic Confederacy.  I, too, believe in Xenu, the Warrior Princess, and her little blond friend Gabrielle. In fact, I often have dreams about them—dreams involving leather.  The American west is filled with UFOoligists, who believe the truth is so far out there it would take the combined efforts of Mulder, Scully, and a colonoscope the size of the Pacific Highway to find the answer.  Sorry, rationalists, but the few rationalists left in our society are confined to those Ivory Towers of Academia. And guess what, bitches? We’re coming for you, too…

Freemasonry is alive and well in the 21^st century, and there are Masons everywhere—even in my family.  Someone asked me to join once, but to paraphrase the immortal Groucho Marx, I would never join…short version: F, no. This organization is behind some of the unease that has birthed many of today’s cranky conspirators. Freemasonry has existed since the 16^th century and has as many as five million members. Apparently, only the highest-level individuals are privy to the organization’s real goals, nefarious or otherwise.  It’s like in Scientology when you get to meet Xenu, Warrior Alien, or something.

Onward toward Illuminati-land.  The Council on Foreign Relations is a “think tank” started by the Rockefeller Foundation. Because so many high-profile business and political leaders are members, it is believed they are pulling the strings not only of the country, but of the entire globe. In the 1990s, William T. Still linked the Illuminati to the Rothschild family.  JP Morgan, the Rockefellers, and the Bushes eventually followed suit, and are all allegedly part of this pack of miscreants trying to bring about the New World Order—a theme mentioned prominently in one of Bush Senior’s speeches. Some posit the Illuminati infiltrated and subsumed the Freemasons, the Skull and Bones Society, and eventually the Daily Discord.  The Illuminati is an amalgamation of several conspiracy theories, not the least of which may involve Shit Goblins.

The Rothschilds, two of the richest dudes in history, ultimately dupe us into three world wars, the last of which will bring about a one-government rule, controlled by the Illuminati themselves. Even our own revered Ken Wilber speaks of global police at some point in the future, so any conspiracy theorist worth his weight in Haldol will insist the New Age movement is part of the population-tenderizing process. Lay down your arms, squat on a mat, meditate, and the world police will take care of you; sounds lovely.

This is why I’ve always said you can’t force anything. If we live long enough people will rise to increasingly higher levels of consciousness. Laws to “help” this process are easily perverted. This is also why unfair gun-control laws should not be tolerated. Similarly, any move toward integral world practice before the world is ready could easily be hijacked by ruthless Rothschild-types.

Recent legislation, namely Bill S2433, could give the United Nations considerably more power. S2433 is a bill that aims to reduce international poverty, but some claim it threatens our freedom and independence as a sovereign nation. The rest of this chapter from conspiracy-land involves the North American Union, which follows in the footsteps of the European Union and places Canada, Mexico, and the U.S. next on the agenda. It is feared this move could profoundly impact our Constitution, or what’s left of it. Well, it would explain why the only one talking about the 300,000+ people joining the party illegally from Mexico each day is Lou F-ing Dobbs.

One flaw I see in this sinister, centuries-old web of deceit is Fox News. While the Foxers are clearly ramping up for a war with Iran. They are not supporting, in any way, shape, or form, the strengthening of the United Nations. In fact, they are trying to tear the bitch down. If Bush is Illuminati, the talking points should be: (1) make Mahmoud Ahmadinejad look like an asshole (not very tough to do), and (2) shift control gradually to the U.N. This is clearly not the case, unless Hannity is messing up his talking points again.

On the other hand, I do question Obama’s actions. He is protecting Bush. Why? Either: (A) he is protecting some Dems mired too deep within Operation Dismantle Constitution; (B) he refuses to give back the One Ring (whoever does?); (C) he is too busy screwing up what’s left of the world; or (D) the Illuminati got to him!

The correct answer is (E) Mick needs to hit a pub now.

If the Illuminati are real and if Obama is outside the loop, he will be taken care of in short order. More than likely, if there is anything to this stuff, he is another stooge in a long line of stooges. I remain unsure of the existence of a master puppeteer, but one thing is for sure, they are all stooges. The illusion of government competence and security has forever been shattered. Even with our collective short-term memory, I do not believe confidence can easily be restored. Our government is a farce, of that I am certain. As for the particulars, who knows? The best argument against the Illuminati is the fact that Pat Robertson believes in it. Case closed. 

There are endless websites and YouTube historians ready to walk you through the centuries of Rothschild maneuverings. What I don’t understand is why someone hasn’t really addressed these claims. The information is specific and documents are shown at every turn. The argument is logical, but most mainstream media don’t address any of it in depth. Oh, wait—that’s right; they don’t address anything in depth. (Thinking = bad; shocking footage = good.)  Oh, and the Illuminati owns the media.

Shouldn’t someone respectable address some of these allegations? Most skeptical literature sums the whole thing up in one dismissive paragraph, which translates roughly as “Take your Haldol as prescribed.” If there’s nothing to it, then refute it.

U.S. News & World Report took a decent crack at it in one of their collector’s editions, Mysteries of History: Secret Societies.  I’ll say this much, if you think nothing interesting is going to happen in the next couple of decades, well, you best get back to American Idol. There’s only one thing science and religion can agree upon: the next hundred years are going to really suck. 

Here in Arizona, an estimated 18% of the population no longer recognizes our government’s authority and are preparing to secede from the union. We are apparently not that unusual. Nine states are quietly asserting their independence. Well, maybe something good will come from Bush. Someone pulled open the curtain, and the American presidency has been revealed. If anyone else is at the helm, behind some other secret curtain, they are Kissingerian sociopaths, to say the least. 

So, what is the answer? Can we right this train without bloodshed? Pokey and Wilber want to transcend and include, but it seems a little late for that now. After all, what from this civilization, besides Krispy Kreme, is really salvageable?

I survived my own existential angst period several years ago. So for those entering it now, don’t fret. It really isn’t worth the worry. Throughout human history, we have always lived in the shadow of the invading Huns, or the stalking tiger, or the Black Death (when Ozzy was with them, not Dio).  

All we have ever had is the zen-schmeckled now. Of course, some believe even the enlightenment movement is a way to enfeeble the masses, but I still feel that with change comes opportunity. After 9/11, we had an opportunity to start the healing process; but instead, we chose the lemon juice. This time around, we can put down our “Sinner Repent!” signs and hurl empty beer bottles at the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse…and the horses they ride in on. 

Preparation is good, I suppose, but I’m banking on a leap of consciousness. Turn that crazed frown upside down. The next several years will challenge even the most spiritually grounded among us to accept what is. This moment in history has been likened to an unprecedented opportunity for the surviving species…you know, cockroaches. One man’s apocalypse is another man’s Ragnarok. Oh, wait; I’m told those are both pretty bad. Well, a leap of consciousness is the best I’ve got, folks. Let me hang onto that, will ya? 

But who’s crazier: the people scared and preparing, or the people still in the dark? You know, like those people waiting for their stock options to rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of a decaying civilization.

Good luck with that.

Regardless of any of these wild assertions, the financial institutions and the government of the United States must be drastically overhauled or scraped. I would prefer enough people wake the hell up and take back our institutions peaceably. Civil war is so messy. But if you still have any doubt that we are on a precipice then allow me to be the first to push you into the abyss. It is much more un-American to sit by idly and watch this freak show continue uninterrupted or, worse yet, cheer it on like the Hannitys of the world. 

I want all of you right now to open up a window and yell out as loud as you can, “I’m mad as hell and I missed my Thorazine!”

Excellent.

All hail Xenu, Warrior Princess!

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to wrap my head with aluminum foil before the CIA starts their transmission.

Burbank, CA—President Obama made a very off color reference on the Tonight Show the other evening, so he must hate the developmentally disabled, right?  Granted, when I was thirteen, I named my bowling team Jerry’s Kids, but I’m not president, OK, so lay off.  Sometimes a gaffe is a gaffe is a gaffe, people.  He apologized, get over it.  On the other hand, our illustrious leader got a taste of his own medicine, didn’t he?  As a counselor, I support the Recovery Model (not Brittany Spears), which promotes mutual respect and empowerment.  However, there is no balance in this model for the army of ‘bloody do-gooders’ roaming our streets.  Many liberals promote a gross overemphasis on ‘right language.’ Why did soooo much of my masters coursework involve proper language?  The only time I lost points on papers was when I called someone an ‘addict’ instead of an ‘opiate-dependent person’, or a ‘client’ instead of a ‘consumer’, or a ‘coon’ instead of a ‘porch monkey.’  Oops, gaffe alert (don’t worry the ‘editor overseers’ will get that one).  Understanding the material seemed secondary to my profs.  All perspectives are valid and equal.  Sure, he doesn’t know the difference between an opiate and a benzodiazepine, but he didn’t offend the person he’s overmedicating, so here’s your script pad, Dr. Jimmy.  Now go out there and meet some drug reps.    

These ‘nice police’ are part of what Wilber and McDooris keep referring to as the shadow side of green.  During my graduate studies, those ivory tower academiacs (ITAs) culturally sensitized me to the point of absurdity (which really shows in my writing).   

In the long run such politeness policies are incredibly important, because without anyone pursuing real subjects, like math and science, we are all going to need to be super nice, and super culturally sensitive, to our new Chinese overlords. 

Here are two fairly recent examples of how, time and time again, we cut off our nose despite our face:  one year ago, a coworker of mine became incensed at a doctor from the community for his language faux pas.  The incensed woman was our agency’s strongest proponent of the recovery model.  An integralist might have said after the meeting, “Ah hey, Doc, we call coons porch-monkeys now and this is why.”  Instead, the language lady, freaked out, became quite rude, and managed to derail the meeting’s community-oriented agenda.  Example two: a fight broke out at a local AA meeting, because the person who started the meeting used the NA (narcotics anonymous) wording of the serenity prayer. I can’t make this stuff up.  Well I could, but in this case I didn’t.  Yes, the headline in the Discord would have read: Brawl Ensues Over Serenity Prayer Variation. 

People who are not racists and who are not children can: A.) take a joke and B.) actually enjoy a good yuk yuk at their own expense.  But should we purposely offend?  I only offend when it’s funny to do so.  I am simply following my Muse into whatever dark alley she leads me (then I do things to her). 

What happened to Obama on the Tonight Show is apropos.  Back on the campaign trail, Obama called Imus’ gaffe “hate speech.”  Obama was referring to a misfired joke from—not a president—but a curmudgeon of an old shock jock who admittedly is ‘not prejudice, but hates everybody.’ Or, more accurately ‘makes fun of everybody.’

A myriad of psychology classes have taught me one thing, those cultural crusaders who devote their lives to minor social injustices invariably have their own related issues. I’m talking to you O’Rielly. You wear your level of consciousness on your sleeve, sir.  The same sleeve you drool on during every racy segment on how teenage girls shouldn’t dress like that! Could you role the clip again during the commercial break, please, and hand me some Kleenex? 

Maybe now President Obama will show some perspective on our First Amendment rights. Humor is incredibly important.  Free speech is incredibly important.  Otherwise you are not transcending but rather descending toward, well, the best contemporary example is certain aspects of Muslim extremism…you know, when people die over cartoons. You don’t win hearts and minds by legislating morality.  For the moment, our prez talks to the people of this country, man to rock star, which is a pleasant change from the My Pet Gloat guy.  But, if we follow Obama’s ‘right language’ minions, soon he will never leave his teleprompter.  So which is going to be, the occasional off color reference or our first amendment rights?  Well?  What’s it going to be you dope-fiending wet backs!   Oh, sorry, I mean opiate-dependent immigrant-Americans. 

Real men are integral men.  Meditation increases blood flow to the brain, thickens the cerebral cortex, boosts immunity, lessens stress, promotes better sex, and promotes better everything, frankly.  In response to your ‘tribute to Cheney’ article, and other slams on yours truly, the John Wayne’s of the world have had their time.  Whereas I can commiserate with your touch of nostalgia; Bush’s cowboy brand of justice is out of style.  That is not to say aspects of this perspective aren’t sometimes necessary, but the people you champion consistently place personalities before principles (very consistently).

Begrudgingly I admit my own error on Sept 12^th, 2001 when I said under my breath, “I’m glad a Republican is in office.”

See, I am fallible. I knew, even then, that aspects of green (liberal pluralism) would not work horribly well against red (tribalism) and amber (fundamentalism).  Al Gore may well have hid under his desk, as my mother-in-law asserts.  Who knows?  Regardless, we must elect government officials who function higher along the consciousness spectrum, if we hope to survive as a country.

Bush and Cheney championed a level of consciousness popular in a pre-modern world, and we’ve seen how effective a John Wayne-esque hero performs amidst a flattening/shrinking global community.  George Bush played John Wayne for eight years, which would have been fine circa 1800-1808, but he tried it in 2000-2008.  All-or-none thinking has no place at the top tier of the U.S. government.  There are more choices than war/appeasement, good guy/bad guy, or friend/enemy.  If you can not see shades of grey, fine, but do the world a favor and stay out of public office.

As for finances, my 401K speaks for itself; it says, “cash me in and by an imported keg.”

As for safety, forgive some of us for having reached the point when we feel that our own safety is not worth the cost of millions of other “outsiders.”   In a flat world we will never be secure with short-sighted policies.  In fact, we will never be safe as long as we are mind numbingly self-serving.  Your view champions a brand of economic exploitation and cruelty that have followed us through human history since the late Cambrian Trilobite uprising. I believe Hiraldo covered that.

With some skill, luck, and a more integral approach to these issues, America can navigate these rough waters.  Ever since McCarthyism, when the fear of nuclear annihilation hijacked the zeitgeist, our government has suffered from what eastern thought designates as samara, which can be summed up as greed, hatred, and delusion.  This can most easily be applied to gentleman Dick: greed (Haliburton), hatred (torture policies), and delusion (we’re making America safe). In my view, integral leadership will embrace human dignity, mutual respect, and mutual interest.  You will increasingly here these concepts as we move forward into the new millennia.  Unless, of course, one of your peeps gets the nod, in which case it’s naked pyramid time (NPT).

“Go away?  Get over it?”  Goomis, Goomis. Whenever we think the basement has been reached new evidence is revealed.

In a recent Washington Post article, Karen DeYoung and Peter Finn asserted: “The previous administration a) tortured detainees, making it harder to prosecute dangerous terrorists; b) released bad guys while detaining good guys; and c) neglected to keep comprehensive files on possible terrorists who’ve been in U.S. custody for several years.”

Even if you support a more empire-esque approach to battling the heathens, how is this helping?   In an attempt to head you off at the all-or-none pass—no, everyone against torture is not against interrogations of any kind. Nor do we all believe that detainees should all be released with a nice fruit basket and an apology letter.  There are ways to keep us safe without losing who we are or the rule of law.

Channel 4 News (BBC) two weeks ago broke the story how the Bush Administration threatened the British Government if allocations of torture were made public in the case of British detainee Binyam Mohamed (then part of Bush’s top secret: Operation Scrotal Electrode). The U.S. State Department warned that any release of torture evidence during the trial would “result in serious damage to US national security and could harm intelligence information sharing arrangements between our two governments.” Bush and Co. were quite willing to give up intelligence gathering with our staunchest ally, further endangering our troops as well as homeland security, to cover for their own war crimes.  Your ‘heroes’ went on to say the release of any torture allegation in court might cause “serious and lasting damage to the US-UK intelligence sharing relationship, and thus the national security of the UK.”

Real men are apparently traitors.  I think profiting off of the death of U.S. soldiers is treasoness as well, but at this point who’s counting? Oh yeah…ME!

On a side note, I have consistently asserted that Tony Blair will be the only one to remain silent.  Blair probably despises Bush more than anyone, but his legacy is too intertwined with Bush’s to ever come clean. I pity him. He was far, far shrewder than Bush ever was, and he deserved better.

The crime is Bush, and the cover up is Hannity.  My self-righteous ire stems from Hannity’s miserable and futile attempt to rewrite history.  Bush will forever wallow in the bottom tier of American presidents and only if no other shred of damnable data emerges (not bloody likely).  Bush and his minions will likely sink to the level of ‘worst ever.’   People who think his legacy is salvageable are dead wrong, as they have been wrong all along about nearly everything.

Your point about my self-righteous ventings is well taken. After all, human bravery starts with self-knowledge and each challenge must be shifted into the bodhi (sorry, another vocab word).  Appointing blame has little to do with an integral practice.  Essentially you are right with your mirror analogy.  Bush is a reflection, but not of me.  He is the reflection of a sick collective, fraught with fear, addictions, and psychotropic medications.  Instead of damning or championing these events, we should be shifting toward common support for this new administration to better align ourselves with the Tibetan’s pawo, the Toltec’s warrior’s path, or the Ghetto Shaman’s Naked Midget Reiki.

You stated in your article, “I don’t like anything I see.”

Er…while you were still cheering on the ‘War on Error’ that was my position in 2002. Welcome aboard the S.S. Disillusioned (better late than never).

You are afraid of the do-gooders of the world and any projects designed to correct problems on a governmental level, yet you didn’t support Ron Paul?  If you recall, he was my pick for the Republican ticket.  Over the last eight years Republicans ditched fiscal responsibility and small government and then, the moment the Dems get in, it’s “oooh, oooh, there they are under the table.”

You backed the fascist and now you are lecturing others on fascism?  Yes, the liberal media sucks, but why do you still support the Washington Talking Points Network?  The Discord’s Integral Media segments have rated both Republicans and Democrats harshly.

You should fear the libetards but don’t fear integral leadership.  Ultimately, whereas your version of leadership will affect me quite negatively, my version of leadership will not affect you, well, not negatively anyway.  You can go on to rant in your columns.  Unfortunately champions of your level will impose their own level onto others.

Since this is ‘world gone wild’ time, and, sadly, I’m not talking about perky spring breakers; it’s time to meditate or medicate.  There are fewer and fewer choices in between these days as we become a psychotropic nation.

Alas, trying to convince the Bin Ladens of the world that blowing up innocents is not what Allah had in mind, or trying to convince the Pat Robertsons of the world that there are many ways to enlightenment, or trying to convince the Bill Kristols of the world that a free market is not the only God, well, as Ken Wilber asserts, there are better ways to spend a Saturday night.

This is going to be a catastrophe!

— Dick Morris

“Going to be”?  Three weeks ago the global market came a hair’s length away from completely collapsing.  The only thing keeping it alive is imaginary money.  I repeat, “going to be”?

— Mick Zano

Obama’s gloom and doom is not helping the market!

— Sean Hannity

Oh, that’s right; you’re supposed to lie your ass off to the twenty-percent of the population stupid enough to still believe your bullshit.

— Mick Zano

We could face a global meltdown that we’ve never seen the likes of!

— Stephen Moore

Ya, think?  Hey Wall Street guy, apparently that gloom and doom stuff isn’t helping.                                                                                      

— Mick Zano

I’m actually hoping that nothing cataclysmic happens to force them to do more bad things. 

— Rick Santorum (You heard right)

“More bad things”?  Obama hasn’t had time to do a list of bad things.  What he has done hasn’t had time to work or not work.  He just got here, but, if memory serves, you’re the guy that had eight years.

— Mick Zano

These quotes, minus mine, all occurred on Fox News 2/23/09 over the course of about twenty-five minutes (end of Hannity beginning of Van Susteren).  The folks at Fox are hedging their bets in the hopes that voting against our last ditch effort, which again, only has about a 15 percent chance of working, will help them in their road-warrior-wasteland-election to come.  Good luck with that.

All of the House Republicans just happened to vote ‘no’ on this stimulus package to kick off Operation Plausible Deniability, but I wonder which obstructionist is now getting the talking points over to Fox?  The propaganda used to be disseminated in an orderly fashion directly from the White House.  Hmmmm.

Remember, this is the same bunch that gladly brought us “Uhhh, where the hell did the last $700 billion go?”

Now they’re ALL getting a little queasy with Package, Part Deux.  Fox’s stance is, of course, painfully predictable, but I really thought they’d wait at least a few more months before blaming it all on Obama. They continue to have no respect for their listening audience.  Four weeks ago our debt was not the issue, there was nothing to see here, just please keep buying more shit, and ignore the man behind the curtain (he’s trying to reread My Pet Goat, shhh!).  The last gazillion dollars is not the problem, it’s this gazillion dollars…you know, the batch with the big (D) next to it.  Now the sky is falling.  Now the so-called fiscally conservative amongst us are suddenly questioning big spending and big deficits. Questioning that was strangely absent for the last eight-years.  Now they have seen the light.  The regular Fox watchers, that I know, all believed the economy would turn around in few months.  This was but some passing clouds.  Now, a few weeks later, under new management, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! FILM AT ELEVEN.  Give me a break.  What is this? Tape delay from the fucking coast?  For the record, I was ambivalent about both Obama’s and Bush’s bailout plans.  At this point in history we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.  But let’s blame the person who broke the country, not the poor sap trying to fix it.  The Republicans, what’s left of them, are just playing Pin the Fail on the Donkey and the cost, either way, will be the American way of life. 

Goomis, Goomis, Goomis. Not all of life’s lessons can be explained by Star Trek episodes.  Besides, it’s much more like the one when the shuttle crash-lands on that planet, only to be assailed by large rock-hurling giants. (Although, I’m not exactly sure why it’s like that.)

This is going to come as a shock to many of you, but I suffer from Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS). Fear not, fair reader, for slowly my world will return to normal now that there is some semblance of leadership in the White House. And by normal, I mean, of course: no home, no job, no retirement, and no food. I’m going to miss the American way of life. Give me some time to mourn, for Pete’s sake!  Haven’t you ever heard of the five stages of the grieving process?  Perhaps this recent example will help:

• Denial (He’s a Yale man and his dad was kind of sharp…)
• Anger (Torture! The Constitution! The Bill of Rights! The Justice Department!)
• Bargaining (If I vote straight Dems for the midterms, maybe impeachment…)
• Depression (Well, Canada has hockey and beer…)
• Acceptance (Hey, Canada has hockey and beer!)

What confounds me is your endless vitriol aimed at anyone expressing a perspective. Whereas I direct my ire toward a group of individuals responsible for breaking the country—spiritually, morally, and otherwise—your ire involves an ideology: some quasi-nebulous possibility that certain educated tree-hugging types might be bad for our country. Are all educated people indoctrinated by crazed liberal-leaning professors, or is there something more sinister at work here? All of the people you are so angry with have a valid and noble perspective. Pollution = bad; constitution = good; destroying the rain forest = bad; peace = good; dependence on foreign oil = bad; nationalism = good; but too much nationalism = bad. And, most importantly, torture = bad (unless a safe word is first agreed upon).

For the most part, FOX News is not conservative—it’s ridiculous. Not the whole thing, mind you, but FOX-ers generally champion the shittier parts of the fundamentalism (amber) and entrepreneurial (orange) realms. The shadow side of this perspective has led us into a blind alley that some of us refer to as 2009.  I understand what Wilber now designates as “amber” and “orange” have to offer; but they, on the other hand, are missing the 800-pound gorilla in the room: themselves.  Some posit that liberalism may hold even greater dangers. This is where we need the Sean Hannitys and Pokey McDoorises and, yes, even the Crank Manifestos of the world.

Higher perspectives understand and appreciate more perspectives. This color coding is not meant to demean. It’s hologarchial by design (which means nested), not hierarchical.  It’s not a contest.  There are important aspects of each perspective, but there are also heaping piles of horseshit in each perspective.  My view is that FOX News represents the sicker parts of amber/orange, just as Michael Moore arguably represents the sicker parts of green, and the Daily Discord represents the sicker parts of lower integral (so you’re in good company).

Ken Wilber asserts that integral practice involves improving one’s ability to understand more and more ‘nuanced’ perspectives.  You claim I am the flipside of Sean Hannity? I assert that Keith Olbermann is the flipside of Sean Hannity, which is why I critiqued Mr. Olbermann so harshly in a recent article. You are way too liberal with what, and whom, you define as liberal. Integral thinkers will go where the truth leads them, avoiding ideology whenever possible. Many people lumping all higher perspectives as liberal and can’t see the rainforest for the trees.  This is usually done by picking one bad example from a given perspective and then trashing the whole paradigm.  There is surely a vast difference between the Dalai Lama’s fundamentalism and Pat Robertson’s, right? 

Christopher Hitchens would just as soon ditch all fundamental thinking. While I agree most of it is problematic, at best, I think folks like the Dalai Lama have an important message for humanity.

Despite my Hannity insanity, I will defend his right to spew his propaganda.  If—or, more accurately, when—Obama backs the Fairness Doctrine, he will be hearing from the Discord. It is unconstitutional and, like most of Pelosi’s ideas, utter crap. And you should be annoyed about Obama’s “coronation,” but you should be more annoyed with the people who made a coronation a reality. You know, your guy.

Ultimately, my rants are part of the healing process.  Perhaps Charles Johnson’s interpretation of Mahasatipatthana sutra might help, wherein he suggests everyone should “dispassionately examine evidence, tame their minds, know where their thoughts have come from and be able to distinguish what in the mind is the product of past conditioning and received opinion (political ads and propaganda), what thoughts are genuinely their own, and what their desires might be projecting on reality.” 

The trick is to see important aspects from each perspective, in your case other than entrepreneurial (orange). One of the core principles of a more integral philosophy, as Ken Wilber asserts, is to “face our limitations and learn from them, rather than responding with defensiveness and denial.” There are inherent truths from each and every viewpoint, but the more skilled we get with these perspectives—each ever-increasing in complexity—the deeper the level of consciousness attained. In other words, fuck you.  ( :